Still learning about myself at the ripe old age of 37

As you may or may not be aware I haven’t blogged for quite a while now. This is due to several changes in my life leading to me going on a little bit of a self discovery journey and boy have I learned a lot about myself.

In March this year I decided it was time for to stop doing what pleases everyone else and instead focus on what makes me happy. I’m not going to lie that began what can only be described as a crazy year.

The first thing I did was returned to work, I absolutely loved being at home with my children but I wanted to earn my own money. Buying my children things from the cash I had earned myself. So I started working in a local shop.

Then I decided to stop caring about other peoples thoughts and opinions on me, yes literally just like that! I spent far too much time dragging myself down from other peoples comments and the way the treated me or spoke about me. I’m not going to lie that was a huge weight off my shoulders. I realised that no matter who you are or what you do in life there will always be someone there trying to knock you down, make rude or snide remarks or relaying their versions of stories to people.

It took me some time but I realised that the problems these people had lay with them ,not me. I know I’m a good person, I know those closest to me can confirm that and in all honest those that don’t like me? Well that’s life. No everyone is going to like you are they?

The newspaper article

You may or may not have seen myself and my children in a few national newspapers. I was approached by a company who explained that they thought my story of trying to become a mother would be inspiring to others so I agreed to speak to them and have some photographs taken.

All of the kids thoroughly enjoyed being a part of the process, having photoshoot. Filming the short video. I was actually quite shocked at how naturally they all took it. What I didn’t realise when I agreed to the newspaper article was that the TV show that myself, Harry and Ellie had filmed was going to be aired the week after the release of the article.

The TV show

WOW what an experience, It was absolutely crazy from start to finish. We were obviously aware of the TV show a long time before it was aired but were sworn to secrecy, at the time we were filming I was still blogging so that time I told you about a weekend away in London with my kids. It was to film the show.

In London ready to film

It was so amazing to be shown all the different things from the lighting to how they create the sun shining through the windows. Not to mention the actual filming itself.

Now obviously we were prepared for any negativity from the TV show and were sat waiting but it didn’t come! In fact the reverse happened, we received nothing but positive and supportive messages from everybody.

Sadly the show didn’t change our lives quite as much as we had hoped but we all absolutely loved being part of it. It was very strange going shopping and people recognising us but that has all died down now. Although we would love to do more TV, I think we’ve caught the bug!

Spending time for myself

As well as all of things I have been doing with the children I also took some time out for myself. I was spending weekends in Doncaster with friends, having a really great time. I met some incredible people and many of whom that will hopefully be friends for life.

These guys meant the world to me because they took me for who I am. They loved me for who I am. I literally just spent that time having fun and being myself. Still at the stage of other peoples opinions don’t matter, whenever I felt like someone was being negative or maybe not as true towards me I would simply just cut them out.

Learning about myself

There has been so much happened over the course of the year that would literally take me forever to tell you but I’m sure I will get round to it or things will pop up and I ease myself back into the blogging world.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that I am so hard on myself. If people made comments or said things about me I took them directly to heart. This was leadng to sleepless nights and a huge amount of stress.

I would beat myself up over conversations or things I had done when really there wasn’t any need to . Ok so some people may not like me, others might not like the things I do in life but as long as I’m happy who actually cares what other people think?

I’ve learned to be kind to myself, to focus on the positive parts instead of the negative constantly. I also learned that its ok for people not to like you. Other peoples opinions do not need to impact on your life so much that it actually makes you ill.

I no longer care what people think of me. I’ve always said I’m like marmite. You either love or hate me there doesn’t seem to be anything in between and I’m ok with that. As long as I have my family and my children around me I’m the richest girl in the world. Anybody else who enters my life and is special is just an added bonus

Thank you for reading and I’m glad to be back 🙂

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