** Trigger warning ** You have the right to say no!

I’ve been ridiculously busy this week but a friend of mine brought my attention to a story in the news about a 17-year-old girl who was going through a court case over rape. In the case her underwear was used as evidence against her as it was a lacy thong.  After seeing this I felt compelled to write a blog today about the fact that you have the right to say no!I’m completely shocked that the defence in this case chose to use this young girls underwear as evidence against her. Now I’m no rocket scientist but I would put money on the fact that when the girl got dressed that night she just wanted to wear something that made her feel good. I’m also sure that she didn’t wear them thinking this will get a guy.

Do our clothes make us vulnerable?

This is a question that is a bit hit and miss. I personally think that if you go out dressed in short skirts, boobs tubes then you will get more attention than somebody who is dressed in jeans and a nice top but does that mean that “you’re asking for it” No it bloody well doesn’t. If somebody wants to go out dressed in a way that they feel comfortable and that fills them with confidence why shouldn’t they?

Trust me if I had the figure to then I would. Unfortunately for me I’m a larger person so it’s out of the question but if I was a few stone lighter and could pull it off then without a doubt I would wear clothes that make me feel sexy. Does that mean that I am wearing those clothes to gain male attention? NO it means I’m proud of my figure and I want to wear clothes that make ME feel good.

Just because you may or may not be wearing more provocative clothes it doesn’t mean anyone has the right to do anything that you haven’t consented to. YOU CAN SAY NO

You were drunk so it was my own fault

This is something that I hear far too often. I’ve read it all over social media, I’ve heard friends say it but it’s not true. OK so you went on a night out and got very drunk, because you’ve had a good night and are in a vulnerable state of mind does that give somebody the excuse to do things to you that in a sober state you wouldn’t even dream about? NO , NO IT DOESN’T

Anybody with even an ounce of respect would realise the condition you are in and just make sure you’re safe. Even if previously that night you was flirting, if you are incapable of making a decision for yourself then whoever you’re with should take that as a no and certainly if the words “no” ,”I don’t want to” or “stop” are said then that is where things should stop!

Just because you’re drunk , it doesn’t mean that somebody has the right to make you do something you don’t want to do. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO

No matter what the situation is you are able and can say NO

Regardless of the situation, whether that be wearing underwear you feel good in or very drunk you are able to say no. I find it absolutely outrageous that this poor young girl was basically told she was asking for it just because of the underwear she chose to wear.

Nobody should EVER put their hands or anything else on somebody else without consent.  Rape is rape no matter how much people try to dress it up. The actions of somebody else can affect another person for the rest of their lives, nightmares, flashbacks , lack of confidence, feeling worthless the list is endless.

That moment where somebody choses to go against someone’s free will and help themselves anyway is something that can never be forgiven or forgotten by the person it has happened to.

PLEASE IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN AN UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION , USE YOUR RIGHT TO SAY NO AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION.

YOU CAN SAY NO! IT IS YOUR BASIC HUMAN RIGHT TO HAVE A SAY OVER WHO TOUCHES YOUR BODY.

As I tell my children and will continue to tell them. Your body is your own, you treat it how you wish, wear what you want to , be who you want to but if anyone EVER tries to do something you are not happy with, that you haven’t agreed to then you have the right to say no. If they then go against your will report it! Don’t worry that nobody will believe you, don’t worry if you’ve been threatened. You have the right to feel safe and if somebody over steps that mark they deserve everything that comes to them.

If you have been affected by Rape then please seek help. I have added a couple of useful contacts for you if you need some support

Rape Crisis

Help after rape and sexual assault

The survivors trust

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