My journey to become a Mummy *warning some parts may be upsetting to others*

I wanted to share with you all my journey becoming a mother and how far we’ve come , grab yourself a cup of tea or coffee and possibly some tissues , it’s quite a journey. Let me start from the beginning…

When I was younger I used to help my sister with her children, I was always on hand to babysit or help her so it was only natural that one day I would become a mummy myself , in fact I used to tell my mum that I was going to have a baby when I turned 16! I was desperate to be a mummy one day.

So when I met my ex husband it was obvious that the next step would be to try for a baby only after a year of trying nothing was happening at all so we went to the doctors who agreed to refer us to a specialist. We had loads of invasive tests done and then we were called back to the consultant , I will NEVER forget that day, he sat us down and explained that I had a severe case of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and that my ex also had some problems and therefore it was very unlikely that I would ever be able to conceive and have my own baby. I was absolutely devastated. He agreed to try us on some fertility treatment and I was prescribed some tablets designed to make you produce more eggs, during the time on these tablets I had to go through a series of scans to check if they were working , these were internal scans and sometimes even when I was on my period , I was only young so this was quite a lot and very embarrassing however I really wanted a child of my own. Unfortunately when we were called back in to see the consultant he told us the treatment wasn’t working and the reality was that we would probably never have children, in that moment at just 20 years old my world came crashing down around me.

At the time my sister in law was pregnant with my brothers first child and normally I would be very excited at the thought of a new niece or nephew but I just couldn’t be , I was so jealous that they were having a baby and I had just been told that I couldn’t have one. Nobody seemed to understand why I was reacting the way I was and it was very difficult.

We decided after that consultant appointment to stop trying for a baby there were thousands of babies out there already who desperately needed a loving caring home so we would look into adoption, only as we were about to start looking we took a family holiday where my mum became very sick, she ended up in intensive care on a ventilator and was at one point given just 24 hours to live , everybody was devastated but thankfully mum improved and amazingly came out of it.

During the time mum was in hospital I started to feel a bit weird and couldn’t put my finger on it , a friend mentioned that she was worried she might be pregnant so we went to get her a pregnancy test while we were there I picked one up for myself more for moral support but you can imagine my huge surprise when I followed the instructions and immediately the cross appeared showing the positive result! OMG I WAS PREGNANT! after everything we had been through I was actually having my own baby, conceived completely naturally no tests , no tablets it just happened! I was even more surprised when I discovered that I was already 12 weeks gone and on 23rd April 2004 Harry was born.

Due to the issues we had trying to conceive Harry we decided to start trying again straight away incase it took another 2 years to conceive again but to our surprise when Harry was just 12 weeks old we discovered I was pregnant again and on the 30th April 2005 exactly one year and one week after her big brother Ellie-Jayne made her appearance.

I threw myself into being a mum and making sure they had everything they needed , I worked hard and made sure they wanted for absolutely nothing then a couple of years on I noticed that same odd feeling and took a test and was delighted to discover I was pregnant again however this pregnancy wasn’t to be and the evening before my brothers wedding day I started to bleed , I had aching in my legs at work all that day and generally felt a bit off but put it down to working too hard  (I was a supervisor in a busy restaurant in a 5* holiday park so long hours and very busy) I went to the hospital who examined me and told me that unfortunately it looked like a miscarriage, I spent the whole of my brothers wedding day in a complete daze trying my best to keep a smile on my face so as not to ruin his day but inside my heart was absolutely breaking, the following day I was sat on the toilet and I felt my baby come away , I will never forget the image of my poor very tiny baby there on the tissue , because I was 12 weeks pregnant there was quite a lot to see 🙁 12 weeks is the time your supposed to be safe!

A short time after this I discovered I was pregnant again and once again it just wasn’t meant to be one evening I started bleeding extremely heavy , it was literally pouring from me like a tap and I called the emergency doctors, my brother came to collect me and took me to the out of hours doctors , when I got there I was called in straight and way due the amount of blood I was losing, the doctor started to ask me questions and what I didn’t realise was that whilst I thought I was answering him normally I was actually answering him in some sort of foreign language , this is the point where everything became very serious , the doctor lay me on a bed and called for an ambulance where I was blue lighter to a bigger hospital better equipped to deal with me, all the way there the ambulance crew kept me talking to make sure I didn’t lose consciousness.

Once I arrived at the hospital in was placed in a side room with arrived nurse permanently by my side (I would love to find out who this nurse was as that evening she missed her breaks, and stayed over her shift to be with me as I was on my own , I can never thank her enough)

The nurse asked me how I was feeling and I said I was feeling a little wobbly, she checked the monitors and said that’s why and pushed the emergency button , next thing I knew was there were consultants everywhere and someone mentioned the words she’s tachycardic, it was like a scene from the TV programme casualty , I just remember the whole time thinking I really don’t think the fuss is necessary I didn’t feel that ill.  I was rushed into resuss where I had wires and tubes sticking out everywhere and someone trying to manually stimulate my womb to stop the bleeding, they managed to stop it but everytime I moved it would start pouring again , soon the decision was made to take me to theatre to try to stop the bleeding , I had to sign a consent form to say that I was happy for them to remove my womb if they couldn’t stop it, someone had to guide my hand as by this point the world was going very fuzzy.

The next thing I knew I was waking up and being told that I was extremely lucky to be alive, I had lost so much blood that they had to give me a transfusion (please if you don’t donate blood then do it? if it wasn’t for someone donating blood that day I wouldn’t be here and my children wouldn’t have a mother) not only that whilst I was under the anesthetic I had a severe asthma attack on the table , until this point I always thought my asthma was a myth as I rarely use inhalers etc. I realised that I almost lost my life but everyone seemed to forget that on that awful night I awfully I lost my baby.

It was shortly after this that I took the decision to stop having children. Harry and Ellie needed me more than I needed another child and it wasn’t worth risking that happening again however what I didn’t know was when I made this decision I was already pregnant again and this pregnancy but be the longest pregnancy ever, every little twinge had me terrified but on 9th August 2009 miss Annabelle made her appearance, she was adorable!

shortly after Annabelle was born myself and her dad separated so I threw myself into being the best single mum that I could be that is until I met Gareth, as well fell in love Gareth told me how much he wanted his own baby so we decided to start trying and after a year of trying we finally got a positive test , the pregnancy was very straight forward and on 13th July 2014 Freddie was born.This was the point when I realised I had one more in me, after everything I’d been through I just wanted a salted to try for one more and on 29th August 2016 Elizabeth-Ann was born. Now my family was complete.

I went to the gp and asked for a referral to be sterilised, me the girl who was told they would never have children  now had 5 amazing babies and was ready to stop.

so that’s where I am now, I’ve had my consultation and I just waiting for the phone call to go in to have my operation, I was told the waiting list is only around 2-3 weeks so I could be called at any point to go in.

So that us why my blog is called mummyof5miracles because every single day I’m more than grateful and honoured to have the opportunity to be a parent and I am so happy to hear the word mum.

thank you for taking the time to read my story.

2 thoughts on “My journey to become a Mummy *warning some parts may be upsetting to others*

  1. Wow just wow!!
    I’ve been through 9 miscarriages myself one after the other and the drs wouldn’t help me with any treatment because all of my tests came back positive but while I was waiting for a plan to be put in place I got pregnant and every little thing terrified me, and I then gave birth to a health baby girl in jan 2014, we knew we wanted another soon after so we tried straight away, I caught with twins when my 1st was 3 months old which meant 3 babies in 12 months!! Omg but unfortunately they werent meant to be and 1 stopped growing at 5 weeks and other at 6 weeks and I miscarried 🙁 but 3 months later I was pregnant again with my 2nd girl and the pregnancy was awful, from losing my vision completely to not being able to pick my 1st up out of the cot because of pain daily! But I had a healthy baby girl in April 2015, we have recently agreed to trying for number 3 but I may have to go for more tests before I concieve. So we will see.

    Your story is an inspiration though from being told none to 5!!! Well done you. 🙂

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