This time of year is always a difficult time for me as the 10th June is the anniversary of one of my miscarriages and possibly one of the most difficult and scary days of my life. I am not going to go into details over what happened with my miscarriage but if you would like to read it you can find it in my post about my journey to become a mother. Please be aware it may be very upsetting for others.
People can be very hurtful …
It’s difficult dealing with the fact you’ve gone through a miscarriage especially when people are very quick to tell you to get over it or they say ‘oh yes I’ve had a miscarriage too’ like it is as simple as eating a slice of bread. For some people myself included it is much more than that. Mine happened when I was 12 weeks. The time you are supposed to be safe, the time you are supposed to be able to start enjoying it. Not only that but it almost killed me, I needed life saving surgery and I went through the whole thing alone.
As much as I am sure they don’t mean to be people will often say the most inappropriate things and sometime expect you to just forget what has happened and move on. This is easy for some people and harder for others. I have known people who have said they are fine because it wasn’t a real baby to them. Others see theirs as a baby right from the second they find out they are pregnant and it hits them hard. I fall into that category. I feel that mine are harder by the fact that the two that I have had have happened on special occasions. The first miscarriage was on my brothers wedding day, the second on my nephews birthday so both very significant dates in my life already.
surround yourself with the right support …
Miscarriage occurs for a range of reasons and sometimes it just isn’t meant to be. You can go through several emotions including blaming yourself, Why it happened to you? What could have made it different? How you could have stopped it? But the reality is there was probably nothing at all you could have done to prevent it. The best thing to do is to surround yourself with people who will be there to give you a hug, listen if you need to talk and to help you to smile. Unfortunately I didn’t have the right support during mine and I think that is why is still affects me so much every time the dates come round but now I am able to confide in Gareth and tell him if I am feeling sad.
It’s hard to watch everyone carrying on like nothing happened when you know what happened to you but sadly other people don’t think about it as it didn’t happen to them and that can be said for a lot of things in this life. This year for the first time since I suffered my miscarriage I am surprisingly upbeat. Usually by now I would be snapping at everybody and miserable in general as I know it is approaching but this time I am OK.
It is true time is a very good healer. If you are going through a miscarriage or have been through one please just know that you are not alone. It is completely normal to think about it long after it has happened. There is no rule book for how you cope.
Information and support
There is lots of information available and support for you if you are affected by a miscarriage.
NHS Direct – This will give you information about what a miscarriage is and maybe answer some questions you are not sure of.
Miscarriage Association – This site is a fantastic site if you are looking for support or maybe feel a little bit alone. It has useful information and a forum where you can chat to others.
Thank you for reading