Is it our fault the way (some) men behave towards women?

I have recently had a little bit of a moment where I’ve been thinking about how men treat women and why they do it. I have come to the conclusion that it might not be the fact men are in fact arseholes pains and that maybe it’s us women that have made them that way. I should probably explain.If you read my post about toddler tantrums and teen tantrums you will have seen that in it I mentioned how Ellie threw a strop because a boy liked her and she liked him.

Ellie is absolutely terrible when it comes to social media. She forgets to charge her phone and she very rarely responds to anyone. It’s something I’m forever moaning at her about. As a result of this she often comes across as rude and ignorant when in fact she isn’t she’s just rubbish when it comes to the internet.

My teenage daughter Ellie

And your point is?

It was during one of the conversations with Ellie about how that poor boy must feel like and how she’s treating him badly by not responding to his messages or when she does it’s always days later that I sat back and thought to myself is this how it begins?

As teenagers boys try to talk to girls and they get treated so rudely that it paves the way for when they are older and become men. As I continued to think about this ( yes I over think the world and everything in it) I started to think about what I have been like with boys / men in the past.

The valentine’s day saga

One valentines day I had gone to town and as I was walking round I bumped into a friend and he had someone else with him. For the purpose of anonymity I will simply call this guy A. After a little chat we went home and I didn’t really think anything of it.

I had gone to visit my sister and there was a knock on the door. The boy I’d met briefly earlier that day was stood there with a bunch of flowers and kissed me. I’m not going to lie as a 13/14-year-old girl I found this very cute. Almost romantic so I invited him in and we were chatting.

Things were going great then the phone rang and it was my mum telling me that my boyfriend at the time was at my house. Again for anonymity we will refer to this guy as B. He had turned up at my mums house laden with chocolates and a valentines card.

I made my excuses at my sister’s house and went running back down the road to see B. After spending a little time with B , again I made my excuses and went back to my sisters to speak with A some more. The whole night pretty much got spent with me running backwards and forwards between the two houses.

The following day I ended things with B and decided to become A’s girlfriend

Oh but it gets worse!

I was with A for quite a while and was introduced to his friends and family. We spent a lot of times with his friends and as a result I got to know them quite well. It was then that I discovered I actually preferred A’s friend who we shall call C .

One night C had offered to take me to the garage to pick up some snacks and things. By this point I was about 14/15. On the way back from the garage I decided to blurt out to C that I really liked him. It turned out he really liked me too so I told A ( who took it surprisingly well) and I suddenly had a new boyfriend. Who would become my first real love.

Just for the record , I was very young at the beginning of this story and still believe a boyfriend was someone you just had a sneaky snog with every now and then.

I ended up going out with C for around 2 years and when it ended suddenly I was absolutely heartbroken. However now I’m older I can see why.

I’m aware I’m making myself sound like a bitch

But my honesty is the point of this post in the first place. Following on from C I had a few other boyfriends. One I dumped because he was too nice. Another I got rid of for telling me they loved me. Not once during all of this did I give an ounce of care as to how these guys felt. I had been hurt and there was no way I was willing to give anyone else the chance to hurt me again. It was too horrible. I also revelled in the attention. It made me feel pretty and loved with people being interested.

So are we the reason men act the way they do?

Watching Ellie and her lack of seeing how she could be upsetting someone made me see not only my daughter but also a younger me. I was awful to boys growing up and very selfish yet here I am moaning that guys are horrible and are selfish. Is that not a little hypocritical?

Now don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying that the reason men can be pains is because they’ve all been treated rubbish by girls as teenagers. I am more than aware that there are many reasons people turn out the way they do and I’m also aware that not all men are awful but when I think of it like that I can’t help but wonder if maybe these good guys would act differently to us if we hadn’t have been so careless as teens.

Who knows but it’s a theory of some kind that could explain it .

I’d love to hear your thoughts

Thanks for reading

 

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2 thoughts on “Is it our fault the way (some) men behave towards women?

  1. I don’t think it is just men.
    We are all affected by what has happened to us and what we witnessed from adult relationships around us.

    The biggest thing is communication. Sadly shy, image conscious teens aren’t the best. It old appear also that many of us adults aren’t either.

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