Why is my instinct to run away?

When you are going through some challenges in your life what is your natural instinct? Is it just to deal with it, to ignore it or like me do you run away? Sometimes it’s not even necessarily challenges. It can be achievements or people too.

Throughout my life there have been a number of situations where I have just packed a bag and gone

When I was in school and I suffered bullying, I didn’t stand up to them and face them I didn’t tell anyone really I just pressurised my parents into letting me move schools. This became a pattern so in the end I went to 3 different senior schools and it wasn’t until the very last school I spoke up and something was done about it. This is part of the reasons for starting our #Bullieswontwin campaign and guest series.

You would think that after that I would have learnt not to run away as I ventured into adult life but I really didn’t. I actually ran 10 miles if anyone showed any form of commitment to me, a boyfriend saying he loved me would scare the living shit out of me.

This also affected my working life

As I moved forward and went to work despite knowing that if I just faced things they could be sorted (From my school experiences) I still carried on trying to run. I worked as an entertainer in holiday parks for a while, now this job involved being on stage regularly, interacting with customers and being constantly in the public eye yet still at the first sign of anything that slightly made me look or feel bad and I would try to run. One time I went back stage on a particularly stressful day at work and told my boss I was leaving and had enough , he stood in front of the door and told me to seriously think about it and how stupid I would be to turn this opportunity away. As much as I hate to admit it he was right and I listened to his advice and completed the season. In fact I did so well I made it to assistant ents manager the following year.

It didn’t however stop me from running 10 miles when I was personally insulted and made to feel awful in another park. The good thing with working in holiday parks was it was always a temporary thing and you could move around each year to somewhere new and start again.

So why am I sharing this with you guys?

Because here I am started yet another venture with this blog ( trust me I’ve tried all sorts) and again I’m feeling a little bit like I’m not good enough or I can’t compete, For a start I look at the photos of these bloggers and vloggers and I just admire their beauty! ..Seriously bloggers are beautiful and extremely talented and me?? well I’m just Chez , How on earth do I compete with that?  ……  I see how well other people are doing and compare myself constantly. If I was prettier people would engage more, Is the stuff I write even worth reading. When I post a video on YouTube am I just making an idiot of myself.

I’m just Chez , Nothing more and nothing less. I debated started wearing make up. Buying fancy video making equipment and doing things differently but the truth is that isn’t me. Wearing make up is a special occasion thing and even then you’re lucky if I wear more than eye shadow and a bit of lipstick. I could do with a make-over I reckon!
You see I don’t have very much self-confidence and maybe just maybe that is why my instinct is to run away. I think I have been knocked down so many times and dragged myself back up that possibly that is why I run at the first sign of something not seeming right. This is one of the reasons I started my confidence is key tag in the hope that instead of everyone pissing on everyone else’s parade. We will all build each other up instead.

But do you know what even if my blog goes nowhere and nobody reads it, when I am long gone it will be something really interesting for my kids and their kids to read 🙂
Thanks for reading
Chez
x

 

 

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