I have mentioned this several times previously on my blog but it’s really playing on my mind at the moment how much I want to do something with my life.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve recently hit 36 , the harsh reality of having to claim benefits for myself or the passing of my mother but this is not the life I want or desire! Now if you know me personally you will know that I have this hang up about benefits. Don’t get me wrong they are a god send to those who need them and they have helped me massively whilst I have been helping Gareth with his mental health and right now but they are something that I strongly believe are there for people who need them and not for people who physically can work.
Yes I have 5 children, yes Bethie is only 1 but there is no reason why I can not work. I have an invisible illness which can at times make it difficult. Most days I struggle to lift my head off the pillow and my eyesight isn’t fantastic but the fact of the matter is I CAN lift my head off the pillow once I have adjusted and I CAN see enough to do a job and work. More importantly than that I WANT to work.
If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you will have seen my posts asking about work, something I have found is that the second you express an interest in working you get many people trying to recruit you into marketing and working from home with things which is fantastic, If that is the kind of thing that you want to do but it just isn’t for me.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I never wear make up, so I’m not exactly the greatest candidate for selling the stuff, I can just about tell the difference between eye shadow and eye liner let alone concealer and foundation! I’m going to be honest my 12-year-old knows more stuff about it than I do and probably more than I will ever desire to. But it isn’t just make up people are trying to get you to sell, there is all sorts out there. The problem is I can probably tell you 20 people I know personally that have tried these things already and have not made anything and maybe 1 or 2 people who have actually gained anything from them.
Don’t get me wrong I am more than sure that there are people out there who do very successfully in these kind of things but for me, I need and want something more.
So what am I going to do with my life?
I have a plan, I have had many plans and it’s no surprise that they have never worked out. I have some incredible ideas but for some reason they just don’t seem to go very far.
I have no intentions what so ever of staying on benefits. I still firmly believe they are there for those times where you are in desperate need. Not only that but I want my children to grow up believing that in order to get nice things you have to work hard for them. I quite often use their Uncles as examples of what happens if you work hard. I always say to them if you want nice things then don’t be like me, be like your Uncle Neil or Uncle Paul because they didn’t waste their brains like I have.
With my blog I have found something that I am actually good at, something that people enjoy reading. It is something that I know I can do successfully and that can lead to greater things. It is a great community to be in with mountains of support but unfortunately it is also a very tough area to work in. Despite the way it may look to the outside it isn’t all glitz and glamour and you don’t make a fortune from it. In fact I’ve been blogging a year and can tell you I haven’t really made anything from it despite hours and hours of hard work and dedication.
But I am determined to not give up. I know that I want to do something with my life.
I will show my children that yes I have struggled and yes it has been tough but I CAN be as successful as their Uncles.
I want them to see that if you put your mind to something and really try your very best that you can achieve anything.
I have a brain, I know I am wasted by not using it. I just need an opportunity to shine and to show that I am capable of doing something worthwhile. I need somebody to look at me and say ” I can see potential in this girl”
Yes I am 36, I’m not a 19-year-old but I am still able to learn new skills, I am still able to adapt, I am still capable of becoming something and making my children proud.
I know I can do it I just need somebody out there to believe in me too.