So I had quite an interesting weekend. It was mine and Gareths 5th Anniversary of when we got together and as a result I cooked us a lovely 3 course meal. Everything was cooked from scratch we had Asparagus wrapped in parma ham with melted butter followed by Chicken Tikka pieces, Homemade Naan bread and salad finished off with Shortbread, cream and strawberries. It was delicious but it also made me realise that I could cook bread. The naan bread was delicious
Following on from the success of cooking the naan bread I figured I would try my hand at bread rolls. To my surprise they turned out great too! Turned out I was quite the baker when it comes to bread. They were that successful that my mum asked me to bake her some. So I figured if I can bake them anybody can and without further ado here is the recipe. Of course it’s not your typical recipe. It is Mummy of 5 Miracles style.
Right before I proceed with the list of what you need the recipe called for ‘cups’ of this and ‘cups’ this wouldn’t have been a problem had Freddie not decided to use my measuring cups to dig the dirt in the garden. I am far to lazy to google and ask for the conversion so I did the next best thing and found the cuppiest looking cup I have and figured that would do.
- 1 1/2 cups of warm water – now this says it has to be 110 degrees F or 45 degrees C , I don’t walk around with any form of thermometer and I am pretty sure the one we have for the kids can’t be dipped in water so I just ran the tap till it started getting hot and used that.
- 1 tablespoon of dry active yeast – ( I learnt that fresh yeast is double what you use of dried yeast, I would like to tell you its because I needed to know but it was another recipe I was making that asked for fresh and I only had dried and after mild panic found I could half the amount and use the dried stuff)
- 2 tablespooons of white sugar – Yes it really said white sugar, to my unbaking not very knowledgable brain there are at least 3, granulated, caster, icing so I took a gamble and went for granulated
- 4 cups of bread flour – Now don’t be fooled here guys because I bought bread flour, ran out when I needed one more cup looked on the bag of plain flour and its EXACTLY the same stuff! I felt conned I paid extra for that bread flour!
- 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil – Is sunflower a vegetable? cuz I only had sunflower oil so used that and it was fine. For the record I have got a tiny bit of a brain and I know a sunflower is not a vegetable but an animal.
- 1 teaspoon of salt
So how do ya make bread then?
- In a large bowl , stir together warm water, yeast and sugar. Now this sounds simple right? WRONG! I’ve never baked bread before or even used yeast (well other than in a bread maker that does it all for you) so I wasn’t sure what it was supposed to look like or how I was supposed to do it. I did some further research and the best way is to stir in the sugar first until its dissolved THEN add the yeast. Let it stand for around 10 minutes until its creamy. Trust me when I say this mixture does not look like it will go creamy it floats on the top like them poops that just wont flush ( don’t pretend you don’t know what I am talking about ) and it just looks like it wont mix but it will . After 10 minutes it should look something like this.
- To the now none floaty poop looking mixture add in the oil, salt and half of the flour and give it a mix, this requires some muscles as you then need to add the rest of the flour a bit at a time until the dough has pulled away from the sides of the bowl. This is where flour gets absolutely everywhere. If you manage to do this without covering yourself and your entire kitchen then I will be very impressed!
- Tip the dough out onto a LIGHTLY floured surface (I know how the heck do you do it lightly when it all flies out of the bag like it’s in a rush to get the latest Christmas toy before they all sell out) and knead it until it’s smooth and elasticated like ya knickers. This should take about 8 minutes.
- Coat a large bowl with oil .They are not exaggerating when they say large, mine is huge and it still didn’t seem big enough (that’s what he said) then place in the dough and give it a turn over to coat it. Cover it with some cling film coated lightly in oil. Now trust me when I say it isn’t big or clever to think you don’t need to put oil on the cling film, the first ones I made I didn’t do this and just whacked the cling film over the top which resulted in a game of tug of war with the cling film and well lets just say I didn’t win. You then need to leave the dough in a warm place to rise until it has doubled (or in my case tripled I thought it was gonna swallow the kitchen) in size.
- Once your dough has doubled, then removed it from the area you have chosen and take off the cling film. Now if you took my advice you will have oiled it and it should be a smooth and easy job. ( A bit like old Marjorie from down the road). If you didn’t then its going to be more like a date night where you are nowhere near each other and just hoping someone makes a move at some point soon before you lose interest.
- Deflate the dough and turn it out onto a lightly floured surface. Make sure you’ve not shoved ya hand in the oiled bowl when trying to tip it out otherwise it could be disasterous! Divide the dough into 16 ‘equal’ pieces. Right here is where I had a couple of issues, firstly everytime I cut the bloody dough and left it for a second it decided to grow again ( It’s a skill I have) and rejoin the rest. So a big tip is cut it then move it across out of the way of the rest of the stuff. The other issue I had was making them ‘equal’ This was not happening, I wanted nice rolls but I really don’t care if they’re the same size or not. I just wanna eat them.
- Roll the dough into balls , MEN this bit should be easy for you… You know when you’re playing with your missus boobs and rolling them around in ya hands like its passionate but really shes thinking “what on Earth is he doing, they aren’t dough” Do this! Then place them on a lightly greased baking tray.
- Cover the baking tray with a damp CLEAN towel , don’t just grab one from the dirty washing pile. And put aside to double in size for around 40 minutes. ( I know what you’re thinking aren’t you, bet you wished that happened when you was playing with her boobs right? )
- Once they have doubled in size remove the towel ( I know that seems obvious but there are some people in the world that follow step by step to the letter and if I don’t mention it and they have to call the fire brigade after their ovens have set on fire I don’t want to take the responsibility for it. Put them in a preheated oven on 400 degrees F / 200 degrees C for 18 to 20 minutes until golden brown.
- Finally remove the bread rolls from the oven and then sit and admire how well you’ve done and take a picture, send it to your mum, dad, gran, sister upload it to Instagram to show off your skills.
- Place them on a rack to cool then figure out what you’re going to eat them with. We had ours with some tomato soupThanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, if you did let me know and share it with you’re friends and family who enjoy a good giggle.I will upload a more sensible version onto YouTube later for those who may prefer it without the extra bits 🙂