You may have read my last blog post where I explained how I was feeling 100% alone and really struggling with life. I was in a pretty bad place and was struggling to find myself again. Today I have woken up in a far more positive mood and it feels great!
The last few months have been some of the most difficult I have ever had to face with losing my mum, my relationship breaking down and both of us deciding that somethings just don’t work , Harry suffering from bullying and Ellie’s crazy thumb. Not to mention the amount of abuse I have received from all angles including people I thought were friends/family.
Every day I have woken up and pretended to be strong whilst inside I have been battling with life, the fact so many people disliked me, feeling like a failure. trying to work out what I could have done that was so awful that I was being treated the way I was and it has been incredibly tough.
They say grief affects you in different ways and for me it has been reflecting on myself, my life and the people around me.
Feeling brighter …
This morning I woke up and for the first time in a long time I didn’t dread getting out of bed. I had my morning coffee and made my way out the door for my endless rounds of school runs ( I have 4 of my children in different schools so it is a mission). I came home and worked on a new video where I discuss whether men have it easier than women and then had lunch and helped my dad fill in his forms to get himself back on track too.
Then it was time to pick my babies up and as I walked out of the door I realised I was quite jolly. As I waited in the school car park I whacked up the radio and had a little dance and sing and song in the car and do you know what I didn’t give a damn who saw me do it either. I was the most relaxed and positive that I have been in a while.
My life still isn’t great, I am getting used to some pretty big changes but do you know what? I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me. They say life begins at 40 so I have 5 more years before the fun truly starts anyway and until then? I’m going to be the best mother I can be to my babies and I am going to enjoy being myself for the first time in a VERY long time.
I’m going to remember who Chez is, not just mum, not a partner just a me!