As you will know if you follow the blog Gareth and I have had problems recently and we are trying our best to work through them. One thing we really struggle with is getting quality time together. Just the two of us without any children around and this is even more difficult now the children are getting older ( we can’t throw a 13-year-old to bed at 7pm ) The is even harder during the school holidays, we can’t even use the excuse of school the next morning to lure them to their bedrooms.
Date night? What’s one of those?
We had arranged a date night this week Gareth had asked his mum to babysit, We even knew where we were going and what we were doing. Gareth has never been to Jenko’s and after reading my review he wanted to try it out for himself. So it was all set, Wednesday evening we were going to go out just the two of us and enjoy some time in each others companies. What could possibly go wrong?
SCHOOL BLOOMIN UNIFORMS that’s what. With 4 children at school age , 2 in secondary school, 1 in primary school and 1 in nursery buying uniforms is no simple task. So by the time I’d bought half of the uniforms ( yes only half the other half will have to wait another week) There was no money left over for us to go out. Queue Gareth cancelling his mum and us doing nothing.
It was OK though we decided that we would have a date night in the house instead only that didn’t happen either because we ended up in the back garden with the kids doing exercises and skipping. If you aren’t aware I have started a new mission to lose weight and get healthier so last night was spent exercising. It’s OK though because we said we would do it tonight instead. It is already 10PM , It isn’t looking promising!
Spending time is important
I think we all forget that we aren’t just parents we are partners and people too and spending time alone is very important for a relationship so I WILL re-arrange our date night and we will go , it may just mean that we have to wait until the kids are all 18……
Some things are meant to be and some things just aren’t meant to be. When myself and Gareth decided to split recently we thought that it would make everyone happier. We were constantly falling out and it was causing tensions. We decided it would be best if we just called it a day to take the pressure off everyone. Despite knowing how much we cared for each other it just seemed like no matter how hard we tried it just wasn’t working out.
When Gareth went back to his mums it gave us both space to think and decide what it is that we truly want. We began to open up to each other and learnt things that neither of us really knew before. We began to support each other better and communicate more.
Where are we at now?
We figured despite thinking we were miserable together we were a lot more miserable without each other and we really do love each other a great deal so we’ve agreed to try this one last time and to get it right this time! Gareth is back home exactly where he belongs and everyone is a great deal happier.
We both realise that we need to spend more time communicating with each other. One massive thing that has changed is we are spending time together, not only with each other but also with the kids. We have been swimming , on adventures, played family games and generally just had fun instead of just arguing and being miserable.
I hope one day we will be at the point where we are dancing in each others arms to our song ” I won’t give up ” and becoming husband and wife but until then we will just enjoy being an US instead of separated.
I wrote the other day to let you all know that myself and Gareth had decided to split. Life wasn’t fun and we were constantly arguing or if we weren’t arguing then we just weren’t talking. We had a massive distance between us and despite the best intentions and efforts it just wasn’t working out. It’s all making complete sense now.
1 Week on and it’s becoming clearer.
After a LOT of talking between myself and Gareth we have now discovered that it was just a case of the wrong timing. Despite the fact that we love each other very much we both and rightly so put the children before us. But in fact by doing that we lost our relationship and lost ourselves along the way. I spoke about it a while ago and how we were trying to find ourselves.
During our talks it has come out that we actually had a lot of underlying issues and it turns out it was the right time to split and to concentrate on ourselves and our children for a while. After all you can’t find room to fully love someone else until you can love yourself and neither of us have been overly happy with ourselves.
There is a future!!!
we are both VERY hopeful that there will be a future between us. In fact we both feel closer than we have ever been. I would go as far as saying we are closer now than we were at the beginning and the biggest part of that is the fact that instead of ignoring issues, or just arguing over them. We have actually sat down and listened to each other, we’ve sat and discussed everything and where we feel things have changed, where we feel we have changed as people and we are looking to the future.
We are still split and we are still unsure of what the future holds but we are talking which is far more than we have been doing in the past. We are spending a lot of time as a family, laughing , enjoying each others company and being around the children without any pressures. I hope that once we have fixed ourselves as individuals that we can then become an incredible couple.
We all know that valentine’s day is a day for couples to show their love for one an another and this year I wanted ours to be extra special. Recently myself and Gareth have gone through a few tough times and as a result our wedding kept getting sidetracked and wasn’t happening so I decided I would surprise him with a very special video as one of his valentines gifts from me , you can watch my video HERE 🙂 Continue reading “Our Valentines day 2017”