I’ve heard of people becoming hangry but have never witnessed it until recently. I’ll be honest here I wasn’t even convinced it was a real thing but it definitely is.
Bethie is the grand old age of 2 and I genuinely thought she was going through the “terrible twos” stage when recently she started throwing full blown angry, stomping , bottom lip, screaming the house down tantrums.
Angry or Hangry?
I’m not kidding you when I say I’m surprised nobody has knocked on the door to check she’s OK. For someone so little she has one hell of a scream on her. In fact a couple of nights ago she wound herself up so much that she was actually sick straight down her Daddy’s top who was trying to comfort her during her tantrum.
Due to previous experiences with Ellie when she was a toddler and her tantrums turned out to be lack of hearing whenever any of my kids throw any kind I strop I automatically look at what could be wrong. Are they in pain or discomfort? Is there something just not quite right.
So I checked her ears, asked it anything was hurting and ruled out all of those thing ( well as much as I could with a child shouting “go away mummy!”
It turns out after a couple of days of watching when these kick offs happen it’s always around dinner or tea time! My little princess isn’t going through the terrible twos or being a little madam she’s actually hangry!
Food makes everything better
Instantly the second you give her something to eat she transforms back into the cutest, sweetest child you could ever meet. This is something very new to me, I certainly haven’t ever experienced a child that is that bad when they want something to eat. They usually just tell me!
She even hands out forks to everyone and tells them to sit at the table the second she sees the oven turn on, then it’s an agonising tantrum filled wait whilst the food cooks. It’s not even like she isn’t used to the times we eat because we eat around the same time each day.
In a few short days it will be a new year and along with that comes resolutions. For those that have been following me for a while you will know last year I set achievements rather than resolutions. I’m going to be honest I can’t even remember what they were and after a searching through old posts etc I still can’t find them.
This year I actually do have full blown resolutions and reasons for each one so I thought that I would enlighten you all on my quests for 2019. Enjoy and please feel free to let me know yours.
2018 was a really tough year for me, I thought that after losing my Mum last year that any year would be better than that. However I was wrong, I hadn’t dealt with the death of my mum properly or grieved. This mixed with other stresses such as a change in home circumstances. Caring for someone with a severe mental health problem had a massive affect on me. I spent hours not sleeping, worrying what other people thought of me and focusing too much on the bad stuff but without actually confiding in anyone. This resulted in me having a massive breakdown.
Visiting the doctors , sure that I was actually going crazy all I heard was you’re not crazy you are just incredibly stressed with very little support. I didn’t believe them. I didn’t believe that stress could affect you in that way and so badly. It turned out they was right. Once I stopped stressing about the small stuff things started to fall into place and I came out the other end.
So next year I will not be focusing on anything negative, from people close to me to events happening around me. I’m not going to sit and stress or stay awake at night worrying about them. Instead I will decide if I can fix it and if not then I’m not even going to give it a second thought. I refuse to spend another year feeling anything less than my worth. 2019 will be a year where I focus on the positive things happening rather than the negatives.
Those who follow me will know I’ve had several attempts at losing weight and despite my absolute determination to succeed I have failed. So what’s different this time? Well I can’t say too much right now but my face will be seen a lot more in 2019 and I know if anything negative will be said it will be about my weight. I refuse to give people that as something to target me for.
I also have a fancy dress event coming up where 2 of the outfits will look absolutely ridiculous on me at this size and I flatly refuse to be the fat ugly one in a sea of beautiful people. Nobody wants to see an overweight clown with rolls everywhere do they?
Also health benefits play a big factor. I hate the fact that I always feel so sluggish and have zero motivation to do anything. I suffer from Asthma and as much as I hate to admit it, the heavier I am getting the worse it’s becoming. I’ve managed it quite well for years but the last 12 months as my weight has increased I have struggled more and if I’ve become ill with a cough/cold its taking longer to shift it.
My head is also becoming a problem. When I lost weight previously my headaches settled down. As the weight has increased I’ve noticed them becoming more severe again and the last thing I want is another huge needle in my spine!
My aim is 5 stone but I’m not unrealistic and have decided to set myself smaller goals of 2 & a half stone. Once I’ve hit that one I will go for the last 2 & a half stone. I’m really excited to see the new me and I’ve already decided to treat myself to a complete makeover once I’ve lost the weight. New hair, new nails, new clothes the works!
Returning to work
Whilst blogging has been fantastic as a distraction whilst I’ve been unable to work due to becoming a carer and my own health problems. I don’t actually gain any money from it. I’m not quite confident enough in my writing to turn it into a full time income ( although the opportunity is there if I take it with both hands) So I want to go back to actual work , in the real world.
I’ve lost a sense of myself and who I am as Chez, not just mum. Not only that but despite not working right now I have a huge issue with being on benefits. I get they are there for people who need them and without them I wouldn’t have survived the last few years. I strongly believe that they are there for those in desperate need.
My niece has incredibly severe learning difficulties, her mental age is that of a 5 year old but she came into my house last week and told me all about her job volunteering in a charity shop. How she works Monday – Friday 11-5pm and some Saturdays too. She cleans, irons , hangs up the clothes and helps around the shop. This was a defining moment for me where I thought if she can work with all of her issues then really I don’t have an excuse.
Not that I’ve needed one I’ve been itching to get back into work for a very long time but it just hasn’t been practical. 2019 there will be no excuses, I WILL return to full time work, I WILL get back my confidence and I WILL turn my life around. I’d be lying if I said returning to work will make me worse off than I am right now ( how ridiculous is it when you’re better off out of work than you are when you’re in work?) But if need be I will get two jobs!
I really want my children to grow with strong work ethics and knowing that if you want nice things than you have to work for them. There have been several occasions this year where I have literally have less than £5 to feed my family for a few days, no petrol in the car and the gas and electric already on the emergency.
NEVER will I find myself in that position again! .
Heres to 2019
So these are my resolutions and my reasons behind them. I actually have A LOT of things to look forward to in 2019 and I’m excited to reveal it all to you when I’m able. For the first time in as long as I can remember I can’t wait to see what the new year has in store for me.
Christmas time is generally a time where we all stuff our faces, ignore the scales. Make ourselves feel sick from all the treats and from over indulging. I am not exception to a little festive food frenzy however this year I’ve decided to ditch the treats. I thought I’d share with you all my reasons why.
Self – Confidence
Anyone who knows me in real life will tell you that I come across as being very outgoing and confident. Beneath this exterior is someone that all of those people wouldn’t even realise was there.
I have serious issues with my body and myself in general but one thing that I really don’t like is my body. I’m not a body confident person. In fact I hate the way I look that badly I avoid looking in mirrors that go further than my shoulders. Even when I’m having a shower or a bath I generally try to avoid looking at my body because I find it disgusting.
Strangely enough the only thing I really like about my body is my stretchmarks. They are the one thing that I am not self conscious about because they tell a pretty incredible story.
As a result of my dislike for my body shape my confidence levels have plummeted. When I’m out with friends ( which isn’t very often) I am fully aware of the fact that I’m the “fat friend”. Finding something to wear is a nightmare. There are so many beautiful clothes out there in all shapes and sizes but whenever I try something a little different I just think it makes me look huge so I tend to stick to dark colours.
By ditching the treats it is helping me gain confidence. With every inch and every pound that I lose I can feel an excitement within myself of how I will look once I reach my goals, the clothes I can wear and taking photographs where I don’t hate the way I look.
I’ve taken before photos and plan to take one every month so that I can physically see the difference and change to spur me on.
Entering the public eye
In the new year I have some exciting things coming up in the new year where I will be in the public eye more. One thing I know for sure that people will pick on ( apart from my fast growing grey hair) is my weight. I would love nothing more than to be able to reveal this new slim me to everyone. To show people that with real determination you can achieve it.
I won’t be doing any faddy diets, the will be no syns, points, cabbage soup. Definitely won’t be any milkshakes ( I’ve tried it before and it triggered my migraines massively) I will be going by a rule I have seen so many talk about and it makes perfect sense when you think about it.
Each day I will aim to burn off more calories than I consume. I’ve been doing this for almost 2 weeks now and already I’m creeping towards the half a stone loss. It’s actually interesting how you change your choices just because of the amount of calories in something.
Not too long ago I’d have thought nothing of popping open a full can of Pringles and demolishing the lot. Ordering take away for the family and indulging in 4 slices of pizza as well as sides. Now before eating anything I check the calories in the food. If it’s high I find an alternative choice.
I don’t deny myself from anything I want and if I want to have a treat then I will. Everything is now in moderation so instead of a large chocolate bar I may just enjoy a couple of squares. If I’d like to have crisps instead of having 2 or 3 bags ( yes I really did have a 2 bag rule whenever I had crisps , it always had to be 2 bags) Now I go for a small bag with low calories.
I have to dress as a clown!
No, I’m not joking. In June I’m going away with my friends. Every time we go there is a theme for fancy dress. I always have to play it safe and wear large and frumpy outfits. Last time we went the theme was Alice in Wonderland and I struggled so much to find a mad hatters costume that would fit me and still look nice rather than an oversized nightie.
The other nights theme was Wizard of Oz , I actually loved my Dorothy outfit but not as much as I’d have loved to be able to wear something a little more sexy and flattering.
I found some gorgeous sexy clown outfits and my friend Charlie decided that would be the theme for our next weekend away. The costumes are gorgeous and I’ve got my eye on a few of them. Going as a clown at this size is not going to happen.
Firstly I will struggle to find one in my size and even if I do it will just look terrible. My friends and I only get together every few months so I would love nothing more than to surprise them when they see me in June with a smaller frame.
Growing up my Mum was always an overweight lady. I remember spending many nights watching her poorly, struggling to breathe and going through pain. Feeling powerless because there was nothing I could do to help her. She had a list of conditions as long as her arm and each one made her life very difficult. She had gone from a confident bar lady to someone who could barely take care of herself.
The weight I’ve gained recently has had an effect on my health. I’ve got constant backache. The more I weigh the worse my headaches are. My asthma becomes worse and I really don’t want my children to have to watch me the way I had to watch my mum.
I used to get jealous of friends doing things with their mums because my mum wasn’t able to. Don’t get me wrong she did the best she could and I have many memories of before she was ill from dancing in the living room to dancing on tables on holiday but it all stopped once she got so poorly.
I want to be there at the bar and dancing with all of my kids. You know those 80 year olds that still think they’re 19 with their glow sticks? That’s going to be me! The kids already tell me to turn my music down instead of it being the other way round.
No treats for me
So this Christmas everyone can keep their chocolates, cheeses, snack and more because this Chezzie wants to find herself again. I want to be able to dress less like an old lady and more than that I want to feel confident within my own skin.
I’ve set myself a little promise that when I hit my goal I’m going to treat myself to a makeover, new hair, new clothes, nails and more. I will do this, if I can make it through the next week without caving and giving in to the temptations then I know I have a much healthier, confident, fun future ahead of me and I can’t wait to see what it has in store for me.
I joined a new gym too so I’m trying to fit in as many sessions as possible, it’s VERY addictive. I was excited to see they would be open on Xmas eve and again on Boxing day. Whilst everyone else is pigging out and having food naps I will be sweating my arse off on that bloody Arc machine and lifting weights,
I don’t think I have been more determined to succeed than I am right now. I’ve already turned down Papa Johns Pizza and chocolate orange ice cream and I’m not even bothered about it. Choosing the healthier options is actually spurring me on and making me experiment with more colourful and tasty meals.
This week I have decided it would be nice to share my birth stories with you. With 5 children every single one has a completely different experience and whether you’ve already have children or whether you are currently pregnant/planning a baby hopefully reading these will help you. We’ve already had Harry , Ellie and Annabelle so now it’s time for Freddie.
When I first met Gareth he never wanted children. He told me he had never seen himself becoming a Dad but once he got to know Harry, Ellie and Annabelle he fell in love with them and it completely changed his mind on the subject. It wasn’t long before we spoke about having a child of our own.
Little did the people around us know but we started trying quite soon after meeting but it just wasn’t happening. Every month I would track my periods and fertility windows religiously. I dread to think how much money we actually spent on pregnancy tests. I even went through a phantom pregnancy where I had all of the symptoms, the weight gain but the tests were still showing negative.
A trip to the doctors confirmed that it was a phantom pregnancy. I always thought until this point that phantom pregnancies were psychological. However the doctor assured me that the reason I felt I was pregnant wasn’t in my brain it was my body actually tricking me into believing it.
By this point I think it’s safe to say that I was downhearted and that I felt maybe my previous fertility problems had resurfaced. Gareth was upset too because as much as he loved the other children he really wanted a child of his own.
Then I started getting pregnancy symptoms again. This was a week before my period was even due but I just had a feeling that this wasn’t another phantom pregnancy and it was real.
We had gone to the local town centre as we needed to visit the bank and whilst Gareth was in the bank I nipped to get a pregnancy test and went to the loo. I took the test and watched as the line went into a cross. I was right I was pregnant! I decided to take a photo of the test and made my way back to the bank where he was waiting to see someone.
Without saying a word I just showed him the photo of the test. What I didn’t think about was the fact that he hadn’t been through this before so he looked at me blankly before asking what it meant. Nodding my head you almost saw the penny drop that I was pregnant!
The pregnancy itself was fairly straight forward. No need for any lumbar punctures this time round. I was sick but literally only once and my god did I do it in style.
We’d decided to find out the sex for several reasons. The first being my ex-husband never wanted to find out the sex with the older ones but I had really wanted to know. Also Gareth had it in his head he wanted a little boy and I figured if we found out and it was a girl it would stop him feeling the way I did when Harry was born. There was also logistics of would we need to move house or not.
Entering the scanning room I was nervous , I knew how much it meant to Gareth that this baby was a little boy and I was panicking about what would happen if it wasn’t. There was really no need. The second the scanner was placed on my stomach it was almost as if he was showing off. Before we saw anything else we saw his winky! In fact I swear he was doing the helicopter with it.
Earlier on that morning I had gone for a bath and I had no idea why but I just knew I was going to go into labour. There were no signs of it at all. No pains, nothing I just knew. I came out of the bath and said to Gareth that I thought it was going to be that day, he was very sceptical because there was nothing to indicate it all and we had already had a false alarm.
Around 3am I woke Gareth up to tell him I was in labour. I have never seen a bigger look of panic before. I’d sat downstairs for a couple of hours before that with little niggles but nothing major and hadn’t said anything to him. Being a first time Dad he shot straight into panic mode, asking if I had everything , trying to rush me to the hospital and was very frustrated when I sat on the kitchen side drinking coffee before heading to the hospital.
My Dad turned up to tale us to the hospital and the pains were getting very intense by this point. Dad’s a bit of a joker so when he said he had taken a wrong turn I didn’t believe him but he really had! I thought I was about to give birth there and then.
For the first time ever I really wanted an epidural this labour was more painful than any of the other 3 so as soon as I arrived I asked if I could have one. On my notes it stated how I had a high pain threshold and that I’d had easy labours previous so the midwife wanted to check me first to see how far dilated I was. There was a student midwife there and was asked if I would mind her taking over my care. For me letting the students work on me is very important. They can’t get qualified without a certain criteria so without a doubt I said it was fine. This decision was a fantastic one because she was absolutely incredible.
Anyway , when I was checked I was already 7 cm dilated so there was no big pain relief for me just good old gas and air. For the first time ever my waters hadn’t popped so I didn’t really believe I was that far gone.
Freddie’s labour was super fast and as soon as he came out the midwives commented on the size of him, it even took 2 of the midwives to carry him to the scales. I was lay there wondering what kind of giant I had given birth to, but he turned out to be 9lb 7oz
We had to stay in!
During my pregnancy with Freddie I received a letter saying that during Annabelle’s birth they had discovered that I was a carrier of Group B Strep. I had absolutely no idea and it hadn’t been mentioned before this point so I was quite shocked. As a precaution during my pregnancy they did a test and it came back positive. Because I gave birth so quickly there wasn’t enough time to get the antibiotics in meaning that we had to stay in overnight to be observed. At first I was devastated , with all of my other children I had never needed to stay longer than a few hours and I’m not the biggest fan of hospitals after regular lumbar punctures but I knew I had no choice because I needed to know he was safe. Whilst I was there it felt like I was staying in a hotel ( only with a newborn and a very sore foof!) The meals were delicious and everytime he woke for a feed a nurse would bring me a cup of coffee, I was quite sad when they said it was time to go home.
Everything was fine and we went home 24 hours later, Freddie Robert Hopkins was born at 06:56 on 13th July 2014
This week I have decided it would be nice to share my birth stories with you. With 5 children every single one has a completely different experience and whether you’ve already have children or whether you are currently pregnant/planning a baby hopefully reading these will help you. Last time we had Ellie . Today we have Annabelle! Continue reading “Birth Stories – Annabelle”→
This week I have decided it would be nice to share my birth stories with you. With 5 children every single one has a completely different experience and whether you’ve already have children or whether you are currently pregnant/planning a baby hopefully reading these will help you. Yesterday we had Harry’s birth story. Today we have Ellie!
This week I have decided it would be nice to share my birth stories with you. With 5 children every single one has a completely different experience and whether you’ve already have children or whether you are currently pregnant/planning a baby hopefully reading these will help you. Let’s start with Harry!
I’ve been ridiculously busy this week but a friend of mine brought my attention to a story in the news about a 17-year-old girl who was going through a court case over rape. In the case her underwear was used as evidence against her as it was a lacy thong. After seeing this I felt compelled to write a blog today about the fact that you have the right to say no! Continue reading “** Trigger warning ** You have the right to say no!”→
I very rarely call any of my children by their birth names and in fact I have a nickname for all of them. I thought today I’d share them with you all and tell you where they came from. It will also help when you’re reading my blog and I accidently use their nicknames instead of their real names because at least you’ll know who I’m talking about. I’m also going to share how I came up with their birth names. Continue reading “Do your children have nicknames and why did you give them their birth names?”→