Last week we didn’t have a story due to reaching the end of our guests, Do you have a story to share? If so get in touch and I will send you the list of questions firstname.lastname@example.org
Please could you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about yourself.
Hi, thanks for letting me take part in your series. I’m Adam, I’m a 39 yr old father of 3 boys and husband to Caroline. I blog at askyerfather.com (twitter: @askyerfather).
Can you remember when the bullying started for you? Where were you? What happened?
As an adult male i’m only just over 5ft tall so you can imagine how small I was as a kid. One of my earliest memories is of being lured into a cloakroom aged 4 and hung upside down from the coat hook and left there for most of the lunch break. Unfortunately this continued for most of my school life and has even reared it’s head with physically violent bullying in the workplace as an adult. At the same time I spent a lot of time in hospitals being treated for my hearing loss and at Alder Hey Children’s Hospital for my size. It was here that I ran into a few seriously bad people in positions of responsibility. This further marked me out in school as the freak that had to go to hospital because he was so small. All of which made my childhood/teen years pretty miserable as I was being bullied at school, mistreated at hospital (which isn’t very nice and can be fairly traumatic even if everyone is treating you with courtesy).
Can you remember how it made you feel at the time?
Confused, angry and a feeling of helplessness as if the bullying is due to things you can’t control then there is nothing you can really do about it. We like to say that adults will help and side with the bullied and innocent but this is often not the case.
How has bullying affected you in your life and how you are as a person?
I am slow to trust people, it has led to periods of depression my whole life. More importantly, I’ve taken so much bullying that it feels like my resilience has snapped and now I am quick to push back at any form of bullying and am annoyed easily by seeing anyone else needlessly bullying.
If you could change anything about your experience what would it be? What would you do differently? If you could give one piece of advice to somebody who is going through bullying now what would it be?
A hard one this one because we are so often told to speak out, tell an adult etc and often that doesn’t work. Kids seem to intrinsically know this which is why they don’t. It can make it worse. Standing up to them often works but also runs it’s own risks. Bullies are often the charismatic, popular ones and often standing up to them will lead to them turning on the charm and tears and lead to people in authority siding with them and making out that you are the one at fault. I’ve tried various methods over the years with varied success,, depending on the situation.
My child has recently begun to be bullied by a teacher !! It’s hard to prove, even harder to be acted upon so my advice to anyone being bullied would be that revenge is a dish best served cold. Surround yourself with a small group of true friends and don’t give much concern for others. Popularity is fleeting. Then document, document, document EVERYTHING. If you don’t let on that you are so hurt and stay out of the bully’s way as much as possible they’ll slip up. When you can’t avoid them and have to stand up for yourself,
having previous documentation will help against any come back on you.Thank you so much for sharing your story with us Adam, I believe you are the first man to come forward and speak out on our campaign and I hope in doing this it gives other men or boys the confidence and encouragement to try to help or do something about it.
I am looking for more people to share their stories for our series, you can read more about it in the following post or email me.
#Bullieswontwin Guest post series