This week I have decided it would be nice to share my birth stories with you. With 5 children every single one has a completely different experience and whether you’ve already have children or whether you are currently pregnant/planning a baby hopefully reading these will help you. Let’s start with Harry!
Finding out I was pregnant with Harry was a completely surreal experience. I’d been told that I wasn’t able to have children, had tried fertility treatment that failed and decided that there were plenty of children out there in the world that deserved and needed homes and that I would adopt.
During this time my Mum was also taken seriously ill in hospital and was so poorly she was on a life support machine. I had made friends with people on a holiday park where I worked whilst Mum was poorly and one of them was worried she was pregnant. We went into town to buy her a pregnancy test and on the spur of the moment I said I will take one too so that you don’t have to feel so nervous.
Not for one second did I actually think I was pregnant in fact I’d been in hospital just a few weeks earlier , given extremely strong pain relief and lumbar punctures for the pressure around my brain. During this time they did a urine sample and as standard also took a pregnancy test which didn’t show anything. This mixed with the fact that I was infertile meant I was confident this test wouldn’t show anything.
However I couldn’t have been more wrong. My friends test was negative whilst I was stood holding a positive test in complete and utter shock! After all this time, all these tests, medication etc I was pregnant!
There was nothing physical to even hint that I was pregnant and I didn’t have a single symptom of being pregnant like you see in the books, no sickness nothing so figured I was probably very early, but when I went for my first scan I was in for even more of a shock. I was 12 weeks! So all that time I was in hospital and having all those things done I was actually pregnant. It was very surreal.
As the pregnancy progressed everything went very smoothly. In fact the only symptom I had of being pregnant was extreme tiredness where I couldn’t physically stay awake past about 7pm. One thing I did have was a craving for anything orange though and I don’t just mean the flavour.
It was orange lollies, oranges , orange juice, orange clothes everything ORANGE! I also took a liking to crazy socks. Yes socks. You’ll be pleased to know I didn’t eat them!
I was due to give birth on 5th May 2004 , on the morning of 22nd April I woke up , sat up in bed and suddenly really needed a wee. I stood up to go to the toilet just as I heard a pop and water started trickling down my legs. I stepped a few more steps and then it was literally just pouring out of me. I sat on the toilet and there was even more! Was this thing ever gonna stop.
I sorted myself out, climbed onto the bed and called my now ex-husband to tell him I thought my waters had gone. The biggest thing I remember about that morning was how calm I was. Sitting on the bed I thought to myself where is the pain? Surely I should be having contractions but there really wasn’t any at all.
We headed up to the hospital where they scan and swabbed me to double-check if it was in fact my waters ( there was absolutely no way it could have been anything else unless I have started uncontrollably peeing everywhere!) There it was confirmed that I was in fact in labour and my waters had gone. I still had no pain! ( I know I know you all hate me but trust me when you read the other birth stories you will see I haven’t always gotten of lightly)
After a very long day and evening of constantly feeling like I had peed myself and no pain the doctors decided to hook me to a drip to try to help things along, A walk hadn’t helped and I seemed to be stuck around 4 cms. The drip did wonders and within minutes I had reached 10 cms . I was handed gas and air but it just made me feel really sick and instead of helping me was just making me feel rubbish. Instead I was given an injection called Meptid ( I would later learn that this was pretty much like giving me fresh air) As the contractions intensified I could feel the pain but it wasn’t unbearable.
Mentally I had prepared myself to feel like I was being torn in two so when it came to the actual labour I was surprised at just how little it actually hurt. Please bare in mind that I have an extremely high pain threshold.
When it came to pushing I was extremely lucky I appeared to have great muscles down there and it only took about 4 pushes to get him out. Oh my god nobody warns you about the ring of fire. Getting his head out felt like every ounce of my vagina was on fire! at 04:40 on the 23rd April my first-born and my son was born. Next it was time for the placenta. All I remember about this was feeling a very weird but soothing sensation. As it was pulled out this warm squidgy thing seemed to sooth my previous “burnt to smithereens” bits. ( clearly my bits weren’t burnt it just felt like it)
The midwife told me I would need one stitch, but not because I had torn or anything like that . During my intense pushing I had managed to pop a blood vessel. Quite literally so needed it stitching to close it off.
No motherly rush of love
We had decided not to find out the sex of the baby but in my head I was convinced it was a little girl so I was taken aback when a little boy popped out. You hear all the time about this sudden rush of love that comes when you’re handed your baby but I didn’t feel it. Don’t get me wrong I loved this baby that I had carried for 9 months but I certainly didn’t fall in love with him straight away.
I’m not sure whether this was because I had built myself up to him being a little girl or if it was just the fact I wasn’t one of those people who felt that when they gave birth but I do remember feeling extremely guilty about it.
It wasn’t until he was maybe 6 weeks old before I finally looked at him and felt the most incredible sense of love I’ve ever felt in my life. By this point we were back home, settled into a routine and had gotten things sussed. Sitting there one evening cuddling him and it hit me, this baby was mine. Actually mine. After going through so much to get to this point I was sat there with nothing short of a little miracle in my arms.
Thank you for reading, Look out tomorrow to hear what happened with Ellie and her birth!