Somewhere to turn to

Everybody needs somebody or somewhere to turn to, whether it’s to talk about your day, chat about achievements or to express your feelings. Having that secure network is important. It’s important not only for people to give advice but also for your own mental health. Having nobody there beside you can be an awful experience.

Why I’m doing this

I myself have experienced extreme lows to the point where I didn’t even want to be alive anymore because I felt like nobody cared. Sometimes even those close to you seem disinterested or don’t really actually listen.

Some may not even know how to respond when you are feeling so low and something that is massive to you may come across and not important to them. People don’t seem to realise that just because it isn’t a big deal to them doesn’t mean that it isn’t a huge deal to you.

I never ever would want anybody to feel the way I once did, it is an awful dark place and one where loneliness doesn’t even begin to explain the hundreds of emotions and the amount of hurt that you feel.

So what am I going to do about it?

After another brief period of feeling extremely low I decided I didn’t want this, I didn’t want anybody at all regardless of age, height, skin colour , sexual preference , disability to feel alone.

It can be quite daunting opening up to somebody, telling them your innermost feelings but it can also be extremely beneficial.

Whilst I am in no way shape or form any kind of doctor or professional I am human. I want people to know there is always somewhere to turn and for this reason I would like to reach out to anyone who just feels alone.

You could be a mother, a business man, in a highly stressed job, single father anything at all! If you need someone to talk to I am here. My email address is admin@mummyof5miracles.com please use the title somewhere to turn in your email so that I don’t miss it.

I will listen, even if it’s just someone to talk about your day with, talk about the kids, moan about the kids, talk about your partner and your stresses I will listen. Like I said I am no professional by any means but I would like to offer that tiny bit of support to those who need it in whichever way.

It’s important that you understand that if I feel worried for your safety or concerned about you then I will ask you to refer yourself to a qualified mental health worker but where possible I will try to talk to you and listen to what you have to say.

What do I get out of it?

Knowing that I have helped somebody, that I may have brightened their day , made them feel less lonely or sad, the knowledge that I may have made someone smile or even just helped ease the pressure of their day to day lives by simply listening.

Thank you for reading and please send me an email if you need to talk, don’t suffer with your problems alone , I am here for you

x

Things kids of today wouldn’t understand! The Internet

Kids today don’t realise how easy they get things compared to when I was younger. So I’ve decided to do a little series on the things that are completely different now to when I was a child. Let’s start the series with the internet

Dial- Up

If you’re an old git like me then you will remember good old dial-up internet when you had to sit and wait for it to connect before you could use it and even then it was hit and miss whether it woul work or not.

this screen seemed to pop up forever!

You’d set your computer up then sit whilst the lovely tones of it connected went through. Now this wasn’t an instant fix you was waiting for ages! These days kids just turn on their phone or laptop and bam! the internet is there fully working.

Oh and not to forget how super slow it was, we had none of this instant pages. If we wanted to search something it would take a good 5 minutes for the page to even think about loading!

Using the phone and the internet at the same time

I know kids, it’s crazy isn’t it how there was once a time where if somebody rang the house or picked the phone up to make a call then the internet would disconnect!

You could be in the middle of playing a game or chatting to your friends and just like that disconnected without even a tiny warning. Now a days most people don’t even have their house phones plugged in let alone worry about someone ringing and it cutting the internet off.

Games

Us oldies remember having to sit there for an absolute age waiting for the games to load whilst crossing our fingers nobody would knock the internet off, now they can video call whilst playing a game. If we had tried to do that we may have been lucky to get 5 minutes without any form of interruption.

Already a difference

So you see kids! I’ve only started with the internet and already you have it so much easier, but I guess that’s why us oldies tend to appreciate these things a little more. Most people didn’t even have the internet at home when I was growng up at all and most of us hadn’t even heard of it until we were approaching our teens.

I have also started this series over on my tik tok account @chez_Mo5m so if you want to follow it in the very short visual 60 seconds format head on over there to have a look 🙂

Thanks for reading!

I’m swimming the “channel”

Ok ok so that isn’t strictly true, I’m not swimming the actual channel itself but I am swimming the same distance in miles at my local pool.

Why this challenge?

I was scrolling through Facebook when I noticed the challenge pop up in my adverts, instantly I saw the challenge and thought to myself this is something I could do. Checking out the details I discovered that it was actually an aspire challenge and the aim was to raise money for people with spinal cord injuries.

Who are Aspire?

Aspire are a national charity who provide practical help to people who have been paralysed by a spinal cord injury.

People with Spinal Cord Injury will lose muscle and sensory control and a large majority will become full time wheelchair users for the rest of their lives. Historically, the majority of spinal injuries have been sustained by those aged 21 to 30, with nearly three quarters of newly spinally injured people being male. However, Spinal Cord Injury is increasingly affecting older people now too.  Approximately 2,500 people sustain a spinal cord injury in the UK each year.

Through its projects and programmes, Aspire offers practical support to the 50,000 people living with a spinal cord injury in the UK. This support allows people with spinal injury to lead fulfilled and independent lives in their homes, with their families, in their workplace and in leisure time.

What the challenge means to me.

After reading all about the charity and the things they do I quickly realised that this really is something that could happen to anybody at any time. You could fall off a chair awkwardly , be in a car crash and more and injure your spinal cord. Anybody at all could be fighting fit then suddenly their lives change for good. It kind of hit home as although I’ve never had a spinal cord injury I have had several lumbar punctures which can leave you extremely uncomfortable let alone suffering for your entire life.

Swimming is something I have always enjoyed and been quite good at since I was a small child. My Dad actually taught me to swim when I was around 5 years old and from that moment on I was a little bit of a water baby.

For a while I had to stop swimming after getting quite a nasty ear infectio from the pool but I saw this challenge and really wanted to take part. I may not be an excellent runner for the charity runs, or even overly athletic for the obstacle type charity events but one thing I can do is swim!

How the challenge going so far?

I am doing the challenge with my sister in law Emma and unfortunately due to illness and other commitments we have had to cancel quite a few sessions but we are finally approaching a quarter of the way now.

We only have until 2nd December to complete it and whilst that seems like a long time its a hell of a lot of lengths to get it.

To begin with when we went to the pool we were only hitting 30 lengths, today we completed 52, so whilst we might not be the best or fastest we are definitely improving although my skin is starting to feel extremely dry now.

In fact I’m sat in a face mask as I type this trying to help it a little bit. Also this morning I somehow injured my shoulder and Emma hurt her back so we are having a couple of rest days to try to calm the injuries down.

Can we sponsor you?

Yes, of course you can! I have a couple of ways you can sponsor me, you can either go through my just giving page or you can contact me for my bank details to send money over that way.

This is a very tough challenge but we are determined to beat it!

Thank you for reading

  • this post was not endorsed or sponsored by Aspire I just wanted to share with you one of the things I’m currently up to

Social Media Bullying

When we were at school there wasn’t such a thing as social media bullying, therefore if you was bullied as soon as you got home you didn’t have to deal with it again until the next day.

Now don’t get me wrong , It was still horrific and I was bullied quite severely myself. However now if you are bullied then it doesn’t just stop at the school gates.

I have personally seen a large amount of bullying across and different array of social media platforms and as a Mum to a large number of children it concerns me that it could happen to them.

What is classed as bullying?

Now this is a question I myself asked a teacher regarding Harry when he went through his difficult times of bullying. I had emailed a teacher witha list of several things that had occured from having abuse hurled at him, to having all of his school items thrown in the shower and the response from the teacher was ” I can see how this could become bullying” As you an imagine I was not impressed with that response.

I promptly emailed back and asked if he would kindly set up a meeting with me to discuss what he considered bullying as just because somebody hasn’t been physically hurt it doesn’t mean that they aren’t being bullied.

Oddly enough that meeting never appeared, a short while later one of the bullies physically attacked my son and I feel that had the school have responded correctly in the first place and acted on the things that had already happened this could have been prevented.

Types of social media bullying

As a blogger I use almost every social media platform. This blog post is purely to help raise awareness of the things I have personally witnessed and is not intended as a professional piece.

Whilst using social media I have come across some pretty horrific comments, pictures and awful abuse hurled at people. I myself have been on the receiving end of some of it.

One comment I received at a time when I was partcularly low already, I was already debating my abilities as a mother when someone commented about how my children would be better off without me. This comment had a humungous affect on me, one I am not going to go into too much detail about but it just shows how deeply those little words can affect somebody.

More recently I have been called ugly, fat, people have written things such as they can’t tell if I’m a man or woman, they have spread rumours and lies around about me and it has had an affect on my personal life, social life and even some friendships.

Monitoring our children

Now as much as I would love to tell you all of the things I have seen have come from children I would be lying. Some of these things are coming from full grown adults, people who are parents themselves. The same people who are absolutely incredible in the eyes of everybody else and portray themselves as amazing across social media then are clever and send these things via private messages.

With this in mind I wondered what we as parents could do to help protect our children from social media bullying. Here are a few things that I personally do, whether or not you wish to do the same is up to you or even if you have any other fantastic ideas to help keep our children safe please write them in the comments below.

  1. Keep an eye on messages. Now I know this may seen very obvious but it’s very easy to become distracted and not check for a short while. Alongside social media bullying there is also a risk of people pretending to be somebody that they are not and posing a more serious risk. Always remember to check others and any other filtered / deleted chats. Whilst our children need and deserve privacy they also need to be safe.
  2. Show them videos online of the consequences of not being careful online. There are many videos out there showing the dangers around social media and if I see something I feel with educate or help my children stay safe then I sit with them and watch it.
  3. Monitor their pictures and posts uploaded on social media. I always try to make sure if there are any comments I read them. Anything I see that doesn’t appear to be friendly I question. Even if sometimes that means going directly to the persons parents.
  4. Turn off commenting. This is something I would do in severe circumstances. Whilst social media is great for sharing things with friends and family it is also VERY public so by turning off commenting you are not allowing trolls to write things that could ultimately affect the well-being and mental state of your child.
  5. Set their profiles to private. Many social media platforms automatically create your profiles as public but all of them have the option to become private meaning that people can only see the material your child is putting up once they have been allowed to access the page. For example Annabelle is given very clear instructions not to add or respond to anybody she doesn’t know personally.
  6. Have their accounts signed into your phone so that you can check and keep an eye on things. Now I know many won’t agree with this but for me it’s important. I once caught one of my children talking to a stranger, the child in question assumed it was ok because it was a friend of a friends cousin. You can never be too careful of who they are talking to. This also means you can monitor and make sure they aren’t bullying people themselves.
  7. Remove social media all together, If you see it’s all getting a little bit too much andthe comments, pictures etc are starting to affect them then remove all social media. Trust me when I say you wont be the most popular parent in the world but you will give them that little bit of cooling off time and break away from the stresses of it.
  8. Report any vile or upsetting pictures and comments that you see. Most if not all social media has a reporting button next to posts/comments. When you report it they then decide whether it should be removed or not.

Protecting our children

Whilst it is literally physically impossible to be with your children 24/7 and monitoring everything they do we can only try our best. If I ever found one of my children writing insulting or upsetting remarks to anybody else then I would make sure they didn’t have the tools to do that again.

Maybe if more parents monitored their childrens behaviour and put things in place to prevent others getting hurt instead of leaving them to it we could all enjoy the world of social media a little more

Everything in this post is my own thoughts and feelings.

Thank you for reading

Cheryl

Leaving school and making choices

Gareth and I went out for dinner the other day and conversation quickly changed to the children and where they were in their lives. One of the topics of conversation was Harry leaving school and having to make the decision between going to 6th form or college.

During our discussion we mentioned how Harry had his heart set on becoming an act,his overall dream being to play The Doctor in Dr Who. Obviously the acting world is tough, in fact any kind of performance related work is tough and the odds of actually making it are slim.

Harry Dressed as The Doctor

Career choices

I was just like Harry at his age, I was determined I was going to become an entertainer and nobody was going to stand in my way. The school careers officer visited and told me how it was a tough business and that I should probably think of a back up career just incase.

Obviously back then I was a 15 year old know it all who didn’t need any advice and simply thought ” well I’ll show him” I didn’t take his advice and thought I knew better. Leaving school I went onto college but left after a short while because I had finally landed my dream job.

I had sent out letters ( yes you know pen on paper and posting through the letterbox and everything) to every holiday park in the UK asking them to give me chance until finally somebody was willing to give me the chance.

The job was everything I dreamed about and more but as the career advisor had said, it had a short shelf life and at the age of 22 my entertaining career was over. Guess what? I didn’t have anything to fall back on. So now at the ripe old age of 37 I’m living a life where I feel like I could have achieved more, I could have worked harder and been settled into a career.

Time for a chat

With all of this in mind we decided that evening we were going to sit Harry down and stress the importance of following his dreams but also having a back up in place.

He walked in from school and we simply asked, ” what are your plans for the future” Fully prepared to have to battle him with facts and drumming it all into him.

However he shocked us completely when he said ” I’m going to study performance and computer science, that way if I don’t become an actor then I will have a career to fall back on”

We let out a sigh of relief before telling him it was a great decision. So now he is in the process of deciding whether to go to 6th form or college to study. Since a very young age he has been adamant he will go to university so I guess we sit back and watch what develops.

As always I will guide him and offer his advice but this is the first time ever I have to completely take a step back and let him make the decisions that are best for him himself. I’m not 100% sure I’m ready to step back too much just yet.

When did he grow up eh?

Thanks for reading

Still learning about myself at the ripe old age of 37

As you may or may not be aware I haven’t blogged for quite a while now. This is due to several changes in my life leading to me going on a little bit of a self discovery journey and boy have I learned a lot about myself.

In March this year I decided it was time for to stop doing what pleases everyone else and instead focus on what makes me happy. I’m not going to lie that began what can only be described as a crazy year.

The first thing I did was returned to work, I absolutely loved being at home with my children but I wanted to earn my own money. Buying my children things from the cash I had earned myself. So I started working in a local shop.

Then I decided to stop caring about other peoples thoughts and opinions on me, yes literally just like that! I spent far too much time dragging myself down from other peoples comments and the way the treated me or spoke about me. I’m not going to lie that was a huge weight off my shoulders. I realised that no matter who you are or what you do in life there will always be someone there trying to knock you down, make rude or snide remarks or relaying their versions of stories to people.

It took me some time but I realised that the problems these people had lay with them ,not me. I know I’m a good person, I know those closest to me can confirm that and in all honest those that don’t like me? Well that’s life. No everyone is going to like you are they?

The newspaper article

You may or may not have seen myself and my children in a few national newspapers. I was approached by a company who explained that they thought my story of trying to become a mother would be inspiring to others so I agreed to speak to them and have some photographs taken.

All of the kids thoroughly enjoyed being a part of the process, having photoshoot. Filming the short video. I was actually quite shocked at how naturally they all took it. What I didn’t realise when I agreed to the newspaper article was that the TV show that myself, Harry and Ellie had filmed was going to be aired the week after the release of the article.

The TV show

WOW what an experience, It was absolutely crazy from start to finish. We were obviously aware of the TV show a long time before it was aired but were sworn to secrecy, at the time we were filming I was still blogging so that time I told you about a weekend away in London with my kids. It was to film the show.

In London ready to film

It was so amazing to be shown all the different things from the lighting to how they create the sun shining through the windows. Not to mention the actual filming itself.

Now obviously we were prepared for any negativity from the TV show and were sat waiting but it didn’t come! In fact the reverse happened, we received nothing but positive and supportive messages from everybody.

Sadly the show didn’t change our lives quite as much as we had hoped but we all absolutely loved being part of it. It was very strange going shopping and people recognising us but that has all died down now. Although we would love to do more TV, I think we’ve caught the bug!

Spending time for myself

As well as all of things I have been doing with the children I also took some time out for myself. I was spending weekends in Doncaster with friends, having a really great time. I met some incredible people and many of whom that will hopefully be friends for life.

These guys meant the world to me because they took me for who I am. They loved me for who I am. I literally just spent that time having fun and being myself. Still at the stage of other peoples opinions don’t matter, whenever I felt like someone was being negative or maybe not as true towards me I would simply just cut them out.

Learning about myself

There has been so much happened over the course of the year that would literally take me forever to tell you but I’m sure I will get round to it or things will pop up and I ease myself back into the blogging world.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that I am so hard on myself. If people made comments or said things about me I took them directly to heart. This was leadng to sleepless nights and a huge amount of stress.

I would beat myself up over conversations or things I had done when really there wasn’t any need to . Ok so some people may not like me, others might not like the things I do in life but as long as I’m happy who actually cares what other people think?

I’ve learned to be kind to myself, to focus on the positive parts instead of the negative constantly. I also learned that its ok for people not to like you. Other peoples opinions do not need to impact on your life so much that it actually makes you ill.

I no longer care what people think of me. I’ve always said I’m like marmite. You either love or hate me there doesn’t seem to be anything in between and I’m ok with that. As long as I have my family and my children around me I’m the richest girl in the world. Anybody else who enters my life and is special is just an added bonus

Thank you for reading and I’m glad to be back 🙂