In a few short days it will be a new year and along with that comes resolutions. For those that have been following me for a while you will know last year I set achievements rather than resolutions. I’m going to be honest I can’t even remember what they were and after a searching through old posts etc I still can’t find them.
This year I actually do have full blown resolutions and reasons for each one so I thought that I would enlighten you all on my quests for 2019. Enjoy and please feel free to let me know yours.
2018 was a really tough year for me, I thought that after losing my Mum last year that any year would be better than that. However I was wrong, I hadn’t dealt with the death of my mum properly or grieved. This mixed with other stresses such as a change in home circumstances. Caring for someone with a severe mental health problem had a massive affect on me. I spent hours not sleeping, worrying what other people thought of me and focusing too much on the bad stuff but without actually confiding in anyone. This resulted in me having a massive breakdown.
Visiting the doctors , sure that I was actually going crazy all I heard was you’re not crazy you are just incredibly stressed with very little support. I didn’t believe them. I didn’t believe that stress could affect you in that way and so badly. It turned out they was right. Once I stopped stressing about the small stuff things started to fall into place and I came out the other end.
So next year I will not be focusing on anything negative, from people close to me to events happening around me. I’m not going to sit and stress or stay awake at night worrying about them. Instead I will decide if I can fix it and if not then I’m not even going to give it a second thought. I refuse to spend another year feeling anything less than my worth. 2019 will be a year where I focus on the positive things happening rather than the negatives.
Those who follow me will know I’ve had several attempts at losing weight and despite my absolute determination to succeed I have failed. So what’s different this time? Well I can’t say too much right now but my face will be seen a lot more in 2019 and I know if anything negative will be said it will be about my weight. I refuse to give people that as something to target me for.
I also have a fancy dress event coming up where 2 of the outfits will look absolutely ridiculous on me at this size and I flatly refuse to be the fat ugly one in a sea of beautiful people. Nobody wants to see an overweight clown with rolls everywhere do they?
Also health benefits play a big factor. I hate the fact that I always feel so sluggish and have zero motivation to do anything. I suffer from Asthma and as much as I hate to admit it, the heavier I am getting the worse it’s becoming. I’ve managed it quite well for years but the last 12 months as my weight has increased I have struggled more and if I’ve become ill with a cough/cold its taking longer to shift it.
My head is also becoming a problem. When I lost weight previously my headaches settled down. As the weight has increased I’ve noticed them becoming more severe again and the last thing I want is another huge needle in my spine!
My aim is 5 stone but I’m not unrealistic and have decided to set myself smaller goals of 2 & a half stone. Once I’ve hit that one I will go for the last 2 & a half stone. I’m really excited to see the new me and I’ve already decided to treat myself to a complete makeover once I’ve lost the weight. New hair, new nails, new clothes the works!
Returning to work
Whilst blogging has been fantastic as a distraction whilst I’ve been unable to work due to becoming a carer and my own health problems. I don’t actually gain any money from it. I’m not quite confident enough in my writing to turn it into a full time income ( although the opportunity is there if I take it with both hands) So I want to go back to actual work , in the real world.
I’ve lost a sense of myself and who I am as Chez, not just mum. Not only that but despite not working right now I have a huge issue with being on benefits. I get they are there for people who need them and without them I wouldn’t have survived the last few years. I strongly believe that they are there for those in desperate need.
My niece has incredibly severe learning difficulties, her mental age is that of a 5 year old but she came into my house last week and told me all about her job volunteering in a charity shop. How she works Monday – Friday 11-5pm and some Saturdays too. She cleans, irons , hangs up the clothes and helps around the shop. This was a defining moment for me where I thought if she can work with all of her issues then really I don’t have an excuse.
Not that I’ve needed one I’ve been itching to get back into work for a very long time but it just hasn’t been practical. 2019 there will be no excuses, I WILL return to full time work, I WILL get back my confidence and I WILL turn my life around. I’d be lying if I said returning to work will make me worse off than I am right now ( how ridiculous is it when you’re better off out of work than you are when you’re in work?) But if need be I will get two jobs!
I really want my children to grow with strong work ethics and knowing that if you want nice things than you have to work for them. There have been several occasions this year where I have literally have less than £5 to feed my family for a few days, no petrol in the car and the gas and electric already on the emergency.
NEVER will I find myself in that position again! .
Heres to 2019
So these are my resolutions and my reasons behind them. I actually have A LOT of things to look forward to in 2019 and I’m excited to reveal it all to you when I’m able. For the first time in as long as I can remember I can’t wait to see what the new year has in store for me.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
Don’t forget to tell me your resolutions
Thanks for reading