Dating as a single mummy , Insecurities and Being guarded

I’m sure that many of you will relate when I say entering the dating world is a very scary experience. When you’ve spent the majority of your adult life to date in long-term relationships and become comfortable to then end up heartbroken it makes you build a wall that can be difficult to break down even for yourself Continue reading “Dating as a single mummy , Insecurities and Being guarded”

Communicate to your kids : Benefits of open communication

Do you ever worry about how “the talk” is going to go with your kids?

Whether it’s about sex, drugs or death, it can feel awkward to have these talks with our kids. But in reality, it’s only awkward because it’s foreign. When you reserve everything you have to say on a subject to one talk, it’s easy to see why you’d dread it. On the other hand, if you keep an open line of communication, things are inevitably going to be less awkward.

That’s one of the major benefits of open communication. Here are a few more.

1. Stronger relationship

When your kids feel comfortable talking to you, there’s a bond that naturally forms. There will be fewer secrets between you and you’ll eventually form something that’s akin to a friendship. As your children get older and move away, they may be more likely to keep in touch or check in with you to see how you’re doing.

2. Respect

As we all know, respect is a two-way street. We all want our kids to respect us, but we don’t often think about how we can show respect for them. In some cases, sharing information about an issue or event can show respect. You respect that they’re mature enough to handle what you’re telling them. Of course, this only works if they actually are mature enough to handle what you’re telling them, so carefully consider your child’s age and maturity before talking about things that may be upsetting.

3. Information flow

When your kids are young, they’ll likely be happy to tell you anything. It’s when they approach their teenage years that they start pulling back and trying to maintain a more private life. But if you’re open and honest with them, they are more likely to act the same with you. In this way, you’ll learn a lot more about what’s going on in their lives, which can be a great benefit to you both.

For example, if your child has a substance abuse problem, they may be more likely to talk to you about getting help. Finding a medical treatment center is easy compared with getting a teenager to admit they have a substance abuse problem. Try to communicate often about sensitive issues like drugs, sex and risky behavior.

4. Increased input

So many parents make decisions that affect the entire family without so much as talking to the kids first. In some cases, this may be necessary, but sometimes, it’s better to involve your kids. For example, let’s say you got a job offer in another city and are weighing the pros and cons. You obviously don’t want to leave the decision up to the kids, but you may get some surprising input by talking about it with them.

When you start having open discussions with your kids, you’ll probably realize that they already know more than you thought. They’re also capable of contributing more, so let’s get talking!

** This is a collaborative post

 

 

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The Cuckoo Oak Madeley – Review

If you read my post yesterday you will see that I decided to venture out on my own with all 5 children for dinner. We decided to go to The Cuckoo Oak in Madeley. The reason I chose this particular pub/restaurant is because not only is it close by in case of any urgent need to go home but it is also known for being relatively cheap and has the added bonus of a park Continue reading “The Cuckoo Oak Madeley – Review”

Venturing out on my own with all 5 kids for the first time!

Yesterday I was feeling a bit rubbish. My head has been quite bad recently but I’m sure it’s just down to stress rather than pressure. I woke up feeling a bit miserable but decided that it was going to be the day where I ventured out of the house on my own for the very first time EVER with all 5 children Continue reading “Venturing out on my own with all 5 kids for the first time!”

Escaping reality

I was sat recently thinking about how other people attempt to escape reality. Everyone at some point or another just feels like they need a short period of peace. Where they take themselves away from the world and everything else in it. Whether it’s taking part in a hobby, joining a club of some sort, running. There is always something.

Continue reading “Escaping reality”

#SPARbecue – Food & Family fun even with the rain!

When I was offered the opportunity to work alongside SPAR and host a #Sparbecue I jumped at the chance, especially when it was requested that we hold the barbecue on the weekend that coincided with Annabelle‘s birthday. Continue reading “#SPARbecue – Food & Family fun even with the rain!”

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How To Manage A Long Plane Journey Whilst Pregnant: 5 Tips

A long plane journey is never something you look forward to, especially if you’re pregnant.

But they don’t have to be bad. Some simple considerations can make all the difference and ensure your trip is as comfortable as possible. Follow our five tips and you’ll be well on your way to managing a long plane journey whilst pregnant.

1. Book an aisle seat

Don’t leave your seat selection till the last minute — reserve one as soon as you’re able to. An aisle seat means you’ll be able to stretch, move around and go to the toilet whenever you need to, without getting in anyone’s way or needing to climb past your fellow passengers.

2. Wear layers

Will it be stuffy in the cabin? Or will they have the air con on high? You never know until you get there, so prepare accordingly and wear layers. You’ll be able to adjust as you need to, staying cool and comfortable throughout the flight.

3. Put on flight socks

Deep vein thrombosis (i.e. blood clots in deep veins) is a risk for everyone on long flights, with pregnant women slightly more likely to be affected.

Fortunately, it’s easy to reduce the swelling associated with DVT by wearing flight socks, which are also good at dealing with varicose veins. Put them on before you board the plane and keep them on for as long as you’re comfortable, remembering to take them off when you go to bed in your destination.

4. Stand up and stretch at regular intervals

It’s important to keep the blood flowing (another way to reduce the risk of DVT). Stand up every half an hour or so to stretch your out your body and take a gentle walk. You can also do feet and leg exercises while sitting down.

5. Drink plenty of water

The air in the cabin is extremely dry, with humidity of 10-20%. (In comparison, most people are used to humidity of 30-60%, which is a big difference.) One way to combat this is by drinking water throughout the flight.

The recommended amount of water a pregnant woman should drink is different depending on what stage of pregnancy you’re in. Those in the first and second trimesters need the equivalent of eight 200ml glasses per day, while those in the third trimester should aim for more. You will also need more if you’re be travelling to a hot country.

The flight is never the exciting part of a trip, but follow these tips and it won’t be a nuisance, either. Happy holidays!

 


** This is a collaborative post

 

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It’s time – Dating and Moving on!

If you are a regular reader of my blog or a follower on my Instagram/Twitter or Facebook then you will know that I’ve been through a pretty tough period in my life recently when I thought the world would be a much better place without me in it.  After receiving intensive CBT I am now ready to talk you about moving on!

Dating

Whilst it may seem very fast to some what people don’t realise is I have actually been single on and off since November last year and even the in between bits have been what we will call strained.

I found myself missing company, not even anything within a sexual way but someone to talk about my day to or to snuggle down and watch a film with. It’s a lonely world when you’re single with 5 children, there is only so much you can discuss with your children.

So I signed myself up to a few well-known dating apps, not entirely sure what I was looking for but looking for something. Well what an experience that is, From guys dressed in pink latex like a pig to someone offering me £100 for an hour of ‘my time’ It certainly didn’t take too long to realise that maybe I was out of my depth.

Call me old-fashioned but I like to get to know somebody, laugh , joke, chat not just sit and text about the sex that will never happen. Apparently these days guys seem to think that if they send you a picture of their manhood it’s going to make you fall in love with them.

Realisation

After spending a while and chatting to a few fairly normal people it came to a point where they were beginning to discuss meeting up with me. Something inside me was holding me back, I knew these guys were just taking the next natural step but for some reason I just couldn’t do it.

After politely declining invitations and having a chat to Gareth about my thoughts and fears ( yes Gareth, I know shocking huh?! but he’s actually very good at giving me a males perspective on things and we’ve turned a huge corner but I’ll get to that in a bit) I sat alone in the quiet and thought about what I really want in life.

As I was thinking I knew that the dating sites was not what I wanted, I didn’t think it would be fair on the people I was speaking to if I built up something that I genuinely wasn’t interested in.

I could accept the dates and meet new people and build friendships but that is all I would be looking for after all what did I have to lose? One of those dates could turn out to be what I’ve been searching for , for a very long time.  A best friend, a soul mate, a partner & lover but the truth is as much as I thought that’s what I have been searching for it isn’t.

What I’ve actually been searching for is the real me, not the one that’s been ground down by other people, not the one who was made to feel worthless and insignificant by other people but the real me and who I want to be. I realised that it’s now time for me to focus on myself for once instead of trying to make everyone else happy.

I have aspirations and I want to do things with my life. I don’t want to be a stereotype single mother of 5 children living on benefits. I want to make something of myself, go back  to work and to the gym, lose weight, learn how to love myself again because let’s face it how can I expect anyone else to love me when I don’t even love myself.

Gareth and I

As you all know we split and I am in a position where I know that I did  absolutely everything I could to save my relationship, I was supportive, caring, did the little things that matter but at the end of the day relationships will only work if it is coming from both sides and in our circumstance that wasn’t the case.

For quite a while after we split things were very bad, we couldn’t even look at each other without it turning into an all guns blazing argument, we spent periods of time where we just had to spend a few days with no contact to cool things down a bit. Words were being thrown around both ways that were extremely hurtful.

I was very angry, hurt and upset that despite everything I had done I still wasn’t good enough and Gareth was frustrated that his responses towards me weren’t sinking in.

One day after a particularly bad argument I went out to visit his mum and whilst I was gone I had a bit of time to think, I returned to the house where calmly we sat and spoke like adults for the first time ever. I explained my thoughts and feelings and Gareth told me his. That night we decided enough was enough, the fighting wasn’t doing anybody any good, not him, me or the children. We stood in the back garden and had a long hug and this is where we turned a corner.

As much as I didn’t like the situation, as much as I didn’t think it was right, as much as I felt like I had been left struggling through no fault of my own and my family had been torn apart I had to accept that it is what it is and move forward. You can’t force somebody to love you and as the saying goes if you love somebody then let them go and that is exactly what I have had to do.

Turning the corner

Once we removed all of the pressure of ‘us’ and talking about the past we realised that we actually like each others company, we could be in the same room together without it turning into an argument, we even started having a laugh together.

We went from never discussing other people to openly talking to each other about potential dates and who we each were talking to. One day whilst listening to Gareth talking about a lady he was talking to I noticed something, It didn’t hurt anymore. I never felt that horrible pang in my stomach, In actual fact I found myself curious and excited to see what would happen next for him.

Don’t get me wrong I will love him forever, he is the father of my children and I genuinely 100% believed that he was my soulmate, I didn’t believe that we had gone through everything we had for nothing but I do now feel like the decision to split was right. It would never have worked when one of us felt so much more than the other.

Now we are pretty much best friends, he comes round almost everyday to see the kids. I can not fault him in anyway when it comes to being a Dad, He also has grown a lot and started to see the world a little differently after being admitted to hospital.

I am actually enjoying watching him transform from someone who was so lost into the person he wants to be. I am so proud of him for picking himself back up from the worst possible place he could be and I hope that one day he finds the person he does really click with and has that special connection with, most importantly I wish him happiness because at the end of the day is happiness not what we all truly want?

Moving on

I have now deleted all dating apps, I realise I don’t actually need or want a man in my life. Don’t get me wrong I still get lonely and I do miss cuddles on the sofa but I never ever want to put myself or the kids through this again. I am focusing on myself and my children. I am going to work extremely hard to make sure that we gain a nice home by decorating it instead of being embarrassed about it.

I’ve rejoined a gym and started eating healthier. Every morning I now take vitamins to try to improve certain parts of me that were making me feel self-conscious such as my hair thinning.

I am at the moment struggling to decide what to do when it comes to going back to work or throwing myself into studying to become something more when Bethie starts full-time.

Right now my world revolves around me, my children and our happiness. I no longer want to listen to negativity, I am no longer going to take other people’s opinions so personally because one thing I learnt during my CBT sessions was that they are exactly that, just opinions, they aren’t facts and quite frankly you can’t please everyone and not everybody is going to like you.

More importantly than anything else I’ve written today, I WANT TO LIVE!

Thanks for reading

 

 

 

 

 

When trips out don’t go to plan

We’ve all been there, planned a day trip out with the kids and as much as you want it picture perfect like everyone else’s trips seem to go something goes wrong and the day ends in a completely different way to the one that you expected. Continue reading “When trips out don’t go to plan”