I’m ditching the treats this Christmas

Christmas time is generally a time where we all stuff our faces, ignore the scales. Make ourselves feel sick from all the treats and from over indulging. I am not exception to a little festive food frenzy however this year I’ve decided to ditch the treats. I thought I’d share with you all my reasons why.

Self – Confidence

Anyone who knows me in real life will tell you that I come across as being very outgoing and confident. Beneath this exterior is someone that all of those people wouldn’t even realise was there.

I have serious issues with my body and myself in general but one thing that I really don’t like is my body. I’m not a body confident person. In fact I hate the way I look that badly I avoid looking in mirrors that go further than my shoulders. Even when I’m having a shower or a bath I generally try to avoid looking at my body because I find it disgusting.

Strangely enough the only thing I really like about my body is my stretchmarks. They are the one thing that I am not self conscious about because they tell a pretty incredible story.

As a result of my dislike for my body shape my confidence levels have plummeted. When I’m out with friends ( which isn’t very often) I am fully aware of the fact that I’m the “fat friend”. Finding something to wear is a nightmare. There are so many beautiful clothes out there in all shapes and sizes but whenever I try something a little different I just think it makes me look huge so I tend to stick to dark colours.

By ditching the treats it is helping me gain confidence. With every inch and every pound that I lose I can feel an excitement within myself of how I will look once I reach my goals, the clothes I can wear and taking photographs where I don’t hate the way I look.

I’ve taken before photos and plan to take one every month so that I can physically see the difference and change to spur me on.

Entering the public eye

In the new year I have some exciting things coming up in the new year where I will be in the public eye more. One thing I know for sure that people will pick on ( apart from my fast growing grey hair) is my weight. I would love nothing more than to be able to reveal this new slim me to everyone. To show people that with real determination you can achieve it.

I won’t be doing any faddy diets, the will be no syns, points, cabbage soup. Definitely won’t be any milkshakes ( I’ve tried it before and it triggered my migraines massively) I will be going by a rule I have seen so many talk about and it makes perfect sense when you think about it.

Each day I will aim to burn off more calories than I consume. I’ve been doing this for almost 2 weeks now and already I’m creeping towards the half a stone loss. It’s actually interesting how you change your choices just because of the amount of calories in something.

Not too long ago I’d have thought nothing of popping open a full can of Pringles and demolishing the lot. Ordering take away for the family and indulging in 4 slices of pizza as well as sides. Now before eating anything I check the calories in the food. If it’s high I find an alternative choice.

I don’t deny myself from anything I want and if I want to have a treat then I will. Everything is now in moderation so instead of a large chocolate bar I may just enjoy a couple of squares. If I’d like to have crisps instead of having 2 or 3 bags ( yes I really did have a 2 bag rule whenever I had crisps , it always had to be 2 bags) Now I go for a small bag with low calories.

I have to dress as a clown!

No, I’m not joking. In June I’m going away with my friends. Every time we go there is a theme for fancy dress. I always have to play it safe and wear large and frumpy outfits. Last time we went the theme was Alice in Wonderland and I struggled so much to find a mad hatters costume that would fit me and still look nice rather than an oversized nightie.

The other nights theme was Wizard of Oz , I actually loved my Dorothy outfit but not as much as I’d have loved to be able to wear something a little more sexy and flattering.

I found some gorgeous sexy clown outfits and my friend Charlie decided that would be the theme for our next weekend away. The costumes are gorgeous and I’ve got my eye on a few of them. Going as a clown at this size is not going to happen.

Firstly I will struggle to find one in my size and even if I do it will just look terrible. My friends and I only get together every few months so I would love nothing more than to surprise them when they see me in June with a smaller frame.

My Health

Growing up my Mum was always an overweight lady. I remember spending many nights watching her poorly, struggling to breathe and going through pain. Feeling powerless because there was nothing I could do to help her. She had a list of conditions as long as her arm and each one made her life very difficult. She had gone from a confident bar lady to someone who could barely take care of herself.

The weight I’ve gained recently has had an effect on my health. I’ve got constant backache. The more I weigh the worse my headaches are. My asthma becomes worse and I really don’t want my children to have to watch me the way I had to watch my mum.

I used to get jealous of friends doing things with their mums because my mum wasn’t able to. Don’t get me wrong she did the best she could and I have many memories of before she was ill from dancing in the living room to dancing on tables on holiday but it all stopped once she got so poorly.

I want to be there at the bar and dancing with all of my kids. You know those 80 year olds that still think they’re 19 with their glow sticks? That’s going to be me! The kids already tell me to turn my music down instead of it being the other way round.

No treats for me

So this Christmas everyone can keep their chocolates, cheeses, snack and more because this Chezzie wants to find herself again. I want to be able to dress less like an old lady and more than that I want to feel confident within my own skin.

I’ve set myself a little promise that when I hit my goal I’m going to treat myself to a makeover, new hair, new clothes, nails and more. I will do this, if I can make it through the next week without caving and giving in to the temptations then I know I have a much healthier, confident, fun future ahead of me and I can’t wait to see what it has in store for me.

I joined a new gym too so I’m trying to fit in as many sessions as possible, it’s VERY addictive. I was excited to see they would be open on Xmas eve and again on Boxing day. Whilst everyone else is pigging out and having food naps I will be sweating my arse off on that bloody Arc machine and lifting weights,

I don’t think I have been more determined to succeed than I am right now. I’ve already turned down Papa Johns Pizza and chocolate orange ice cream and I’m not even bothered about it. Choosing the healthier options is actually spurring me on and making me experiment with more colourful and tasty meals.

Thanks for reading

x

Birth Stories – Freddie

This week I have decided it would be nice to share my birth stories with you. With 5 children every single one has a completely different experience and whether you’ve already have children or whether you are currently pregnant/planning a baby hopefully reading these will help you. We’ve already had Harry , Ellie and Annabelle so now it’s time for Freddie.

The pregnancy

When I first met Gareth he never wanted children. He told me he had never seen himself becoming a Dad but once he got to know Harry, Ellie and Annabelle he fell in love with them and it completely changed his mind on the subject. It wasn’t long before we spoke about having a child of our own.

Little did the people around us know but we started trying quite soon after meeting but it just wasn’t happening. Every month I would track my periods and fertility windows religiously. I dread to think how much money we actually spent on pregnancy tests. I even went through a phantom pregnancy where I had all of the symptoms, the weight gain but the tests were still showing negative. 

A trip to the doctors confirmed that it was a phantom pregnancy. I always thought until this point that phantom pregnancies were psychological. However the doctor assured me that the reason I felt I was pregnant wasn’t in my brain it was my body actually tricking me into believing it.

By this point I think it’s safe to say that I was downhearted and that I felt maybe my previous fertility problems had resurfaced. Gareth was upset too because as much as he loved the other children he really wanted a child of his own.

Mummies little chunk

Then I started getting pregnancy symptoms again. This was a week before my period was even due but I just had a feeling that this wasn’t another phantom pregnancy and it was real.

We had gone to the local town centre as we needed to visit the bank and whilst Gareth was in the bank I nipped to get a pregnancy test and went to the loo. I took the test and watched as the line went into a cross. I was right I was pregnant! I decided to take a photo of the test and made my way back to the bank where he was waiting to see someone.

Without saying a word I just showed him the photo of the test. What I didn’t think about was the fact that he hadn’t been through this before so he looked at me blankly before asking what it meant. Nodding my head you almost saw the penny drop that I was pregnant! 

The pregnancy itself was fairly straight forward. No need for any lumbar punctures this time round. I was sick but literally only once and my god did I do it in style. 

We’d decided to find out the sex for several reasons. The first being my ex-husband never wanted to find out the sex with the older ones but I had really wanted to know. Also Gareth had it in his head he wanted a little boy and I figured if we found out and it was a girl it would stop him feeling the way I did when Harry was born. There was also logistics of would we need to move house or not.

Entering the scanning room I was nervous , I knew how much it meant to Gareth that this baby was a little boy and I was panicking about what would happen if it wasn’t.  There was really no need. The second the scanner was placed on my stomach it was almost as if he was showing off. Before we saw anything else we saw his winky! In fact I swear he was doing the helicopter with it.

Labour

Earlier on that morning I had gone for a bath and I had no idea why but I just knew I was going to go into labour. There were no signs of it at all. No pains, nothing I just knew. I came out of the bath and said to Gareth that I thought it was going to be that day, he was very sceptical because there was nothing to indicate it all  and we had already had a false alarm.

Around 3am I woke Gareth up to tell him I was in labour. I have never seen a bigger look of panic before. I’d sat downstairs for a couple of hours before that with little niggles but nothing major and hadn’t said anything to him.
Being a first time Dad he shot straight into panic mode, asking if I had everything , trying to rush me to the hospital and was very frustrated when I sat on the kitchen side drinking coffee before heading to the hospital.

My Dad turned up to tale us to the hospital and the pains were getting very intense by this point. Dad’s a bit of a joker so when he said he had taken a wrong turn I didn’t believe him but he really had! I thought I was about to give birth there and then.

Birth

For the first time ever I really wanted an epidural this labour was more painful than any of the other 3 so as soon as I arrived I asked if I could have one. On my notes it stated how I had a high pain threshold and that I’d had easy labours previous so the midwife wanted to check me first to see how far dilated I was.  There was a student midwife there and  was asked if I would mind her taking over my care. For me letting the students work on me is very important. They can’t get qualified without a certain criteria so without a doubt I said it was fine.  This decision was a fantastic one because she was absolutely incredible. 

Anyway , when I was checked I was already 7 cm dilated so there was no big pain relief for me just good old gas and air. For the first time ever my waters hadn’t popped so I didn’t really believe I was that far gone.

Freddie’s labour was super fast and as soon as he came out the midwives commented on the size of him, it even took 2 of the midwives to carry him to the scales. I was lay there wondering what kind of giant I had given birth to, but he turned out to be 9lb 7oz

sleepy baby

We had to stay in! 

During my pregnancy with Freddie I received a letter saying that during Annabelle’s birth they had discovered that I was a carrier of Group B Strep. I had absolutely no idea and it hadn’t been mentioned before this point so I was quite shocked. As a precaution during my pregnancy they did a test and it came back positive. Because I gave birth so quickly there wasn’t enough time to get the antibiotics in meaning that we had to stay in overnight to be observed. At first I was devastated , with all of my other children I had never needed to stay longer than a few hours and I’m not the biggest fan of hospitals after regular lumbar punctures but I knew I had no choice because I needed to know he was safe. Whilst I was there it felt like I was staying in a hotel ( only with a newborn and a very sore foof!)  The meals were delicious and everytime he woke for a feed a nurse would bring me a cup of coffee, I was quite sad when they said it was time to go home.

Everything was fine and we went home 24 hours later, Freddie Robert Hopkins was born at 06:56 on 13th July 2014

Thanks for reading 

x

#Blogmas – My Christmas – Daddilife

This year in the run up to Christmas and for #Blogmas . I have decided to Interview other bloggers and find out what Christmas was like for them growing up and how they do their own Christmas’s now. Every day in December will see a new blogger and new traditions and Christmas excitement. Today we have the lovely Han-son from Daddilife. Continue reading “#Blogmas – My Christmas – Daddilife”

#Blogmas – My Christmas – Spencers Arc

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#Blogmas – My Christmas – The Newby Tribe

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#Blogmas – My Christmas – Daddy Giraffe

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#Blogmas – My Christmas – All Things Christmas

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Birth Stories – Annabelle

This week I have decided it would be nice to share my birth stories with you. With 5 children every single one has a completely different experience and whether you’ve already have children or whether you are currently pregnant/planning a baby hopefully reading these will help you. Last time we had Ellie . Today we have Annabelle! Continue reading “Birth Stories – Annabelle”

#Blogmas – My Christmas – Cardiff Mummy Says

This year in the run up to Christmas and for #Blogmas .I have decided to Interview other bloggers and find out what Christmas was like for them growing up and how they do their own Christmas’s now. Every day in December will see a new blogger and new traditions and Christmas excitement. Today we have the lovely Cathryn from Cardiff Mummy Says. Continue reading “#Blogmas – My Christmas – Cardiff Mummy Says”

#Blogmas – My Christmas – Mummascribbles

This year in the run up to Christmas and for #Blogmas . I have decided to Interview other bloggers and find out what Christmas was like for them growing up and how they do their own Christmas’s now. Every day in December will see a new blogger and new traditions and Christmas excitement. Today we have the lovely Lisa from Mummascribbles  Continue reading “#Blogmas – My Christmas – Mummascribbles”